For some reason, the question “is it gay?” has been coming up a lot lately. On the most recent episode of the Inside TFM Podcast we answered an emailer who wanted to know if a same hole threesome was gay, and, just a few short days ago, I received an email from a girl who wants to know if she is a lesbian because she hooked up with a girl and enjoyed the hell out of it.
Hang on for the ride, because this one is a doozy and a half.
Hi there Jared.
My name is… well we can save that for some other time.
See, I’m in a bit of a odd situation (also just so you know — the girls here in Tri-Delt made this account so that whenever we want to submit something to TFM or TSM we can do so anonymously) — anyway back to my situation.
So, beginning of my freshman year here at my university, I had a thing with one of the guys in the Beta Theta Pi fraternity (I mean its Beta.. how could I not?). Lets call him Drew. So we were on-again, off-again, fucking and eventually it turned into just late night booty calls and quick after-class blowjobs.
Eventually, towards the end of my freshman year, I discovered Drew had a girlfriend of three fucking years. No joke. Like yes… I had been getting dirty, deep-dick, banged-up-against-the-wall-and-let-him-cum-on-my-face-fucked by a guy who would go home during breaks to his fucking girlfriend of three fucking years.
After I found this out, I immediately cut off all contact with him — I was not about to be involved in some twisted love triangle.
However, this is where it takes a dramatic turn. Walking on campus one afternoon this semester (spring of my sophomore year) I see Drew and his girlfriend sitting on the quad. She must’ve came to visit. And I’ll admit — she’s hot — athletic body, nice tits, blonde, the ultimate package — and a Kappa I found out later.
Being the nice, kind, cynical and sweet person that I am, I walk over to the lovely couple and say my hello’s. I’m super nice to the girl — complimenting her on her hair, clothes, whatever it takes to seem extremely welcoming.
Later on, I see them out at the bars when I’m with my friends. Haha, this is where the story really gets crazy and you might not believe me — but just go with it.
After having about 3 vodka cranberries, I’m pretty tipsy (I’m a lightweight don’t judge), I see Drew leave his girlfriend at the bar for a moment and I head over. Now, I’m hot, I know that I am. I’m a fucking Tri-Delt. We’re all pretty fucking hot. But that night I was absolutely feeling myself — my outfit was great, my boobs looked great, my ass looked amazing, you get the point.
I make my way over to her, and say hello again. While in the midst of talking to her my drunk brain gets this idea — what better way to get back at Drew than to fuck his girlfriend? Now… hear me out. I’m not a lesbian. I love dick way too much to give it up. But this girl was a 10 — and girls have girl-crushes all the time. Plus — I wasn’t doing this for the fuck. I was doing this to get back at Drew.
So I buy us a round of shots, and another, and another. 20 minutes go by and Drew is still nowhere to be found — I’m sure he’s watching from a distance — scared that I’ll spill our past involvement with one another. Lucky for him, I’m about to do something even better.
So me and her get pretty damn drunk, its 2am, people are starting to leave the bars to head back for campus. I mention to her that I’m heading back and she could split a cab with me — and she reluctantly agrees.
In the cab on the way back to campus, I flirt with her — its obvious. I’m touching her knee when I talk to her, I’m laughing at everything she says, I’m giving her my best sex eyes. The whole works. She seems to be reciprocating somewhat but not that much. I can’t tell if she’s just drunk or being friendly.
We get back to campus, and I tell her I want to change my shoes before going back to Beta’s house where the afterparty is. She comes with me to my room, and this is where it goes down.
At my door, I can feel the tension between us. I feel like she knows whats going to happen — I feel like she’s perfectly fine with whats going to happen. We walk into my room, I keep the lights off and next thing I know she pushes me up against the fucking wall and starts making out with me. Our hands are all over each other — I barely have time to breathe. Seriously this is the craziest thing that has ever happened to me (also please keep it in your pants until the end of the story.)
In the back of my drunk mind the only thing going through my thoughts is “holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit”. We make my way over to my bed and undress each other — and I swear to god this girl knows all to well what she is doing. Either, she’s lying about her sexuality to Drew or she’s been dying to be this sexually explorative for awhile now. Either way I am fully enjoying myself.
She’s dominating the hell out of me too — I don’t get a chance to help her undress before she’s ripping my clothes off (she actually ripped my dress in the process and I gotta say I don’t care at all) — next thing I know she’s spanking me and then eating me out better than any guy ever has in my entire life. I’ve never came so hard — I was actually quivering.
When all was said and done — I laid there, panting and gasping for breath. Still shocked at what had just occurred, I go to say something to her but am cut off by her grabbing her shoes and making a bee-line for the door saying “I’m gonna head out, wouldn’t want Drew to worry”. Holy shit!!! I just sit there in complete awe of what had just happened. She makes it to the door, and before she leaves, turns back around and kisses me — I can actually taste myself on her lips and in the back of my mind I really hope she kisses Drew with that mouth.
She finally leaves and I sit there naked in my bed, staring at the darkness in my room for about 30minutes — combing over every detail from tonight in my head.
What the fuck just happened is all I’m thinking… I went up to her at the bar that night hoping to fuck her and she ended up dominating me??? I’m so confused???
Okay, wait. So my question. I forgot this was all leading to a question.
My question(s) is(are): What the fuck just happened to me? Also I still like dick so I’m definitely not a lesbian right? Also is Drew’s girlfriend a lesbian? What the fuck? Do I tell Drew? What is my life now? What?
Yeah, so let me know because finals week is approaching and I can’t get this off my mind. I can’t process what happened to me — its surreal. I honestly feel like it didn’t happen….
Anyway, yeah. Thanks. Let me know..
(let’s call me) Sloane
Jesus. Let’s let all that digest for a second with a quick TL;DR.
∙Guy repeatedly hooks up with (and facials, don’t forget the facials) girl while he has a long-term, long-distance girlfriend
∙Girl finds out, decides to get back at boyfriend by hooking up with the girlfriend when she comes to visit guy
∙Girl gets box expertly munched by the girlfriend, who dips out immediately afterwards
∙Girl begins to question her sexuality
∙Girl, for reasons unknown, decides I, of all people, am the one who can help her decide whether or not she is a lesbian.
Well, Sloane (great choice of fake name, by the way), I guess I’ll just get right into it and answer all seven of your questions.
1. What the fuck just happened to me?
You just had a lesbian experience. This doesn’t necessarily make you a lesbian, it just means you did something that a lesbian would do. It’s important that you make that differentiation. Doing a lesbian thing doesn’t make you a lesbian, being a lesbian makes you a lesbian. Think about it. Just because TFM Writer Dan Regester likes the dudes in his porn to have monstrous, veiny hogs in lieu of toothpick-sized dinkers, that doesn’t mean he’s gay, right?
2. I still like dick so I’m definitely not a lesbian, right?
Here’s the million dollar answer to your million dollar question: only you know if you’re a lesbian, and, if you are, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Put some thought into it and you’ll find your answer. Here are my objective thoughts on the matter, though:
∙If you are still sexually/emotionally attracted to dudes (not just dick, but the dudes to whom they are attached), then you probably aren’t a lesbian.
∙If the only reason you enjoyed your lesbian experience so much is because Drew’s girlfriend was just really good at munching box, there’s a chance you’re still straight, but you’re probably a little bisexual. If a dude gets a phenomenal blowjob through a gloryhole and later finds out it was from a dude, he’s not gay — he just likes a good blowjob. The same logic works for you, except you do claim that you had a “girl crush” on Drew’s girlfriend and enjoyed the whole experience for what it was, so it seems like at least a little bit of sexual attraction might’ve been at play along with your thirst for revenge.
∙If part of the reason you enjoyed your lesbian experience so much is because of the fact that your partner was a hot girl, then you’re probably bisexual.
As The Office‘s Robert California says, sexuality is not “straight” or “gay,” but a spectrum. After a little bit of self-reflection about this experience you should be able to pinpoint where on that spectrum you land.
3. Is Drew’s girlfriend a lesbian?
Only she knows the answer to that.
4. What the fuck?
5. Do I tell Drew?
If you do, there is a 500,000,000% chance he asks for a threesome.
6. What is my life now?
I don’t know, I don’t even know your real name.
Hey again Jared, “Sloane” here.
Wanted to reach out and say thanks for the hilarious input you had on my situation — since you posted that, me and a few of my Tri-Delt sisters have had some good laughs. Also, “Drew” actually texted me regarding it because apparently someone in my sorority who I’m not close with heard I sent something in about him and told some Beta guys… word gets around fast. Fuck that girl, honestly. There’s no loyalty anymore…
Any who, Drew knows about everything now. Need proof? Here’s some screenshotted messages that I received today:
Also, let me just say, it was never my plan to tell Drew what had happened — I’m not that much of a psychotic bitch where I would actually want to emotionally hurt the guy, but the situation arose…. and I saw my opportunity to tear him down and create chaos in his life…. so I took it. Plus, it’s finals week and there are 2 more days here on campus and then I don’t have to see his face again until August.
However, nothing went quite as planned, and you were 100% right about the fact that he asked for a fucking threesome. What a mistake he was — I mean, I’m all down for freaky shit but the fact that he has the tenacity to ask me this is just beyond my knowledge, I don’t understand his idiocracy.
Fuck. Seriously. My initial plan just took such an unexpected turn. But, anyway, hope you enjoy these fantastic messages that I received today.