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Mailbag: Being Too Old To Have Fun At Your House, Embarrassing Yourself At Graduation

This is a recurring TFM series. Catch up with all installments of Mailbag by visiting the archive.

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Welcome to the TFM Mailbag, wherein I will answer your questions to the best of my ability. Send your questions to wescp4441@gmail.com. No topics are off limits.

Hey man,

What do you recommend for an outdoor party playlist?

If you ever need access to hundreds of song recommendations for porch drinking or any type of outdoor event, our boy Karl Karlson has you covered. If you want some of the most recent bangers to be on your playlist, Post Malone’s new album is incredible. No need for cherry picking, just play it through. For a blast from the past, I recommend the song “Radio Ga Ga” by Queen. It’s glitzy and energetic, making it an absolutely perfect for summertime. If you’re trying to get some strange at your outdoor family reunion, have “Barefoot Blue Jean Night” by Jake Owen on deck.

Yo Wes,

I’m graduating at the end of fall semester and just turned 22. This means I have 7 more months of being an active in my fraternity, but I’m starting to feel weird at our parties. There are girls walking around that were born in 2000, and I can’t relate to them (and don’t want to). Is it normal to feel this way? What do I do?

You’ve discovered an unavoidable universal truth: Time catches up to all of us. I felt this same exact way when I was in my last year of Greek life, and it can be alarming to suddenly feel out of place in your own house. Luckily, Drake came up with some wise words for you and anyone in this situation: No new friends.

During parties in my last semester or two, I would just hang out in my room with a few good friends, and I rarely ventured out to other areas of the house. After all, nothing is happening there that you haven’t already seen a million times. If you should ever want to chat up a younger woman, tell her of the dark days before your house had fiber internet. And for the love of God, check her ID card.

Okay, so I really fucked up. I go to a small school on the east coast, and I graduated yesterday along with about 1200 others. The commencement ceremony was at 5pm, and my friends and I had the brilliant idea of getting wasted beforehand. We started drinking a little before noon, and it started out okay. A few IPA’s, a bottle of wine, that kind of stuff. At some point, somebody brought a few edibles, and things really started to get out of control from there. Long story short, my friend puked on a girl in front of him and had to be removed from the ceremony, and my parents and extended family could clearly tell that I was intoxicated. My dad told me that my mom was crying later that night, and I feel like complete shit for disappointing them. Is there anything I can do?

Mannnnnnn, that sucks. A friend of mine also puked on the person seated in front of him, and the rest of us cleaned him up and managed to hide him from his family until he’d sobered up a bit. College is all about the friends you make along the way, and it sounds like you don’t care enough about yours. Your family will forgive you, but if this behavior becomes a pattern they’ll just be numb to it eventually. The choice is yours.

Remember to send any and all questions you have to wescp4441@gmail.com.

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WJ Cope

He's the real reason people say "No one likes you when you're 23."

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