Mailbag: Beerbongs And Bentleys

This is a recurring TFM series. Catch up with all installments of Mailbag by visiting the archive.

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Welcome to the TFM Mailbag, wherein I will answer your questions to the best of my ability. Send your questions to No topics are off limits.

Sup loser,

I’m having a bit of trouble with a girl lately. She’s in one of the sororities at my school, and we met at a party and really hit it off. She gave me her number, and I decided to hit her up over break. I said something to the effect of “how is your break going?” and she hasn’t gotten back to me in over a week. Should I text her again when school starts back up?

No, you should not. Getting this girl’s number means absolutely zero. Unless you come off as a complete psycho, most girls will be nice enough to give you their phone number. This doesn’t necessarily mean they want you to hit them up, so you can’t read into it too much. The ball is in her court now. If she doesn’t reach out to you soon, she’s probably not interested. I’d wait until either she responds or you run into her again. Best of luck.

I need help.

How do you start talking to a girl when you’ve just been casual friends for a while but might want to start “talking” because she’s really cool and attractive? I recently ran into a girl that I’ve known for a few years, but we’ve only spoken 2 or 3 times. We talked for most of the night and I want to ask her out. Has that window already closed?

This is a whole different ball game than the previous question. If you and this girl have finally hit it off now, it doesn’t matter too much that you’ve already been acquaintances for a long time. I’d go ahead and treat this like you two just met for the first time, and go from there. Go get that ass.

Hey WJ,

I pledged in the fall of 2016 with 18 other guys, and during pledgeship we were a really good unit and we all hung out together pretty much 24/7. In the past year, however, four of the guys have either dropped off the face of the earth or resigned, and plenty of the others don’t come around nearly as much as they used to. Is there anything that can be done to help the situation, or is this just the way it goes?

Sorry to hear that your pledge class isn’t as tight as it used to be, but that’s just what happens. Being in a fraternity means a lot of different things to different people, and the fact is that the fun and commitment just doesn’t last for everyone. If you feel like someone might be slipping away, maybe make an effort to invite them whenever you go out or do something fun. You can’t make anyone stick around though, and you’ll have to accept that.

However, you should consider the possibility that your pledge class is 75% total losers, and a mass exodus could be a good thing. Go through each one in your head and ask yourself whether they actually bring anything to the table or not. Alternately, maybe your fraternity sucks and you should get far away from there like the smartboys in your PC who already jumped ship.

I don’t get why this is happening, but people give me shit whenever I take over the music in the car or at a party. I play really popular stuff like Post Malone and Gucci Mane, but anytime I play a song someone will just grab the aux cord and take over. What am I doing wrong?

It sounds to me like you’re not doing you. If you just be yourself and act with some confidence, people will be more inclined to go along with the music you play. As for the music, I highly recommend coming out of left field and hitting them with your own track-for-track cover of Limp Bizkit’s Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water. As long as you have SoundCloud, a free music-making app, and a functioning mic on your iPhone, you should be all set.


I don’t need help with anything, not that I’d ever take your advice. I’m just writing to tell you that I’m out here bangin’ seven-gram rocks and fuckin on your girl. Anyway, you could work a thousand lifetimes and not make what I make in a week. I’m literally gonna buy Man Outfitters and fire the clothes from a t-shirt cannon on my yacht.

Fuck youuuuuuuuu.

Sick. Well, that’s enough for today.

Remember to send any and all questions you have to

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WJ Cope

He's the real reason people say "No one likes you when you're 23."

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