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Loneliest Man In The World Feels Up Street Mannequin On His Never-Ending Quest For Love

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Let’s play a game…

You’re an old Arab man who hasn’t touched a female body in years. You’re walking down a crowded street in some Arabian shanty town in the middle of a hot afternoon, passing the small stands and shops as you go. Suddenly, you cross paths with a beautiful, artificial female mannequin. It has no face. It has no feelings. But, it has beautiful lifelike curves. What do you do?

If you answered: Feel her up, sniff her fake plastic breasts, grab her ass and quickly run away, you are today’s big winner.

I sent a text in our fraternity GroupMe asking everyone if they had ever felt up an in-store mannequin. 12 people responded. Five said they had done it at some point in their lives, and seven people lied.

I believe we have a responsibility as boob-loving American citizens to help this man. We need to create a Kickstarter campaign to purchase this man his very own faceless female mannequin. For every dollar you all donate, I’ll donate one cent. Or we can all get together and jack one from the J. Crew at the mall.

What a power move by this guy. At some point in life, you just stop caring. This man has reached that point. Good for him.

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"Now that's content!" - Steve Holt. Send compliments to:

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