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You Can Now Get A Blowie With Your Coffee In London

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How do you wake up in the morning? Take a minute and think about your morning routine. It probably involves getting dressed, throwing your shit together into a bag, and getting coffee or some kind of breakfast before work or class. If you’ve got a kickass girlfriend or a damn good friend with benefits, your morning routine might also occasionally involve a wetting of the morning wood and a clearing of the pipes. I know I feel much better going into my day with a little tug pull already under my belt. Plus, swallowing before 9 in the morning is better than taking a 5 Hour energy. With both, you ingest a bunch of random nutrients, but taking care of a guy’s morning wood on the regular makes me an absolute catch.

Sadly, not everyone is blessed with a slam who is up for a morning romp. Unable to start the day with the satisfaction of having been laid before even getting a morning coffee, these poor souls go on to lead average lives Monday through Friday and desperately try and make up for it on the weekends. But what if they didn’t have to live in mediocrity? What if they too could start the day with a blow job? Well they can, if they move to London.

From The Independent:

The Baroque-themed, 150m² café will serve coffee and a few pastries, with customers being given an iPad on which to choose an escort from a list of thumbnails to perform oral sex on them. £50 will be the base charge (billed as ‘the most expensive coffee in the UK’) with £10 added for every extra 15 minutes.

At $65 to start, and $13 to keep going another 15 minutes, it wouldn’t be so extravagant to treat yourself once or twice a month. If you generously estimate that you only spend $4 every day at Starbucks, you’ll spend $120 in a month. And really, which is giving you greater value?

The London shop needs to smooth over some legal wrinkles before it can open up for business. Prostitution is legal in the UK, but brothels are not, and this place is toeing that line. The founder is very confident in the legality of his business, because he’s already made it happen in one country. There’s another knob-slobbing coffee shop, in Geneva, Switzerland, that’s set to open in December of this year.

[via The Independent]

Image via Shutterstock

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Not So Sweetheart

The most rational, reasonable, and riotous girl you'll ever meet.

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