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List Of Songs CIA Used To Torture Terrorists Proves They’re Undoubtedly The Best Pledge Masters In The World

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A list of songs allegedly used by the CIA in its secret interrogation centers is circulating, and I am now able to say, with complete certainty, that the CIA is the world’s most effective pledge master. It’s true. These boys can turn the world’s most dangerous men into quivering balls of lard. It’s astounding, really.

We have been aware of this list for a few months, but it is more relevant than ever in the wake of the CIA torture scandal.

The list of songs reads like a pledge master’s wet dream. Play these euphonious melodies for hours and there isn’t a man on this planet that can withstand their effects.

“I Love You,” the well-known Barney song, and the Meow-Mix theme song are both on the list. These are absolute classics and two of my favorites, without a doubt.



The list goes on with an incredible selection of songs ranging from Eminem’s “The Real Slim Shady” to Queen’s “We Are The Champions.”



It’s a solid list overall. There are no obviously misplaced songs. However, I do believe it could be upgraded a bit. Let me add a few suggestions.




Finally, my personal favorite…


If you’re reading this, CIA (we all know you are), my email is below. I am always available should you need a new DJ during your questioning of terrorists.


Image via Shutterstock

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Bogey Wells

Bogey Wells is a Senior Freelance Writer for TFM News and a former summer pledge intern at TFMHQ. His Spotify playlists are pure garbage. Email:

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