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Let’s Talk About Kim’s Enormous Ass

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By the way, these butt cheeks are real, and they’re spectacular. Kim even proved this fact to squash a litany of rumors that suggested she received ass implants in the past–she got her ass x-rayed on her reality show. The x-ray didn’t show any surgical improvements. It did, however, show a whole lot of ass meat.

Still, though, I can’t believe what I’m seeing. It’s slightly beyond my attainable level of comprehension. Like if you were hanging out on your front lawn with your boys throwing the football and all of a sudden a midget riding a great dane ran by, and the midget was dressed in full cowboy getup and he was firing a six-shooter into the air, would you immediately trust your eyes? Or would you ask yourself, “The fuck just happened?” That’s basically where I’m at right now. My eyes are taking the situation in, but my brain is rejecting it as a mirage.

I can’t seem to wrap my mind around the sheer enormity of this butt and the impossible ass-to-waist ratio going on. And while it’s obvious the airbrusher for Paper earned his or her paycheck this week, this is a real butt, and it’s attached to a very real Kim Kardashian.

I’d give The Intern’s next paycheck to see the unedited version of this photo, because I physically need to see exactly how different it is from what we’re seeing above. Did they take in her waist? Make the ass bigger? How much cellulite was airbrushed away? Show me the real shit so I can sleep tonight!

The level of fame she’s been able to achieve with zero redeeming qualities outside of her appearance is just as impressive as her ass itself. A pretty face, a monster butt, and a shitty sex tape has made Kim Kardashian one of the most famous people on the face of the planet. She leaves the house and it makes the news. Her outfits are headline material. Her daughter can’t say a word yet and she’s already a pop culture icon.

She releases a photo of her ass with a “Break the Internet” caption and it’s front page material on damn near every publication on the web. Kanye even tweeted about it, and Kanye doesn’t tweet. This ass has influence, and that’s kind of impressive.

Hate all you want, but the oiled-up butt of Kim Kardashian is a total mindfuck, and it’s a real sight to behold.

Image via YouTube

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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