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Let’s Meet The Scorching Hot Reason For Aaron Judge’s Second Half Slump

You know the saying “Show me a hot girl and I’ll show you a guy who’s tired of fucking her?” Well, I got a saying of my own. It’s “Show me an athlete on a three-month performance slump and I’ll show you the model that’s draining the guy of all bodily fluids.”

I was enjoying my Labor Day weekend via slamming sticky Mickey Ultras, eating burgers, and watching sports. College football, Sox-Yanks, and tennis. Lots of tennis. And it was during the US Open that my weekend was so rudely interrupted when the camera showed that ogre Aaron Judge taking in some tennis with his new chica, who, by all advanced sabermetrics, is an electrical fire thunder factory. And if I were a Yankees fan, I’d be apt to blame her for Judge’s recent struggles.

See, Alex Rodriguez was smart; he waited until retirement to shack up with all-time dick wrecker Jennifer Lopez. Yankees rookie phenom Aaron Judge? Still a rookie, in all phases of the game. He should have waited until after the season to lock down a main, but he didn’t, and he’s hitting .182 in the second half with 72 Ks in only 48 games. Yikes. And I have to think it’s all due to the rocket ship who’s been riding him harder than Jimmy G rides pine for the Patriots.

Let’s meet her, shall we? Her name is Jen Flaum, she’s a recent graduate of the University of Michigan (hail to the victors, indeed), and she’s an 11/10 forest fire that even Smokey the fucking Bear would condone.

MIA for the week

A post shared by Jen Flaum (@jflaumy) on

My BBG 💋

A post shared by Jen Flaum (@jflaumy) on

It might feel like summer, but winter is definitely here.

A post shared by Jen Flaum (@jflaumy) on

Life is bueno

A post shared by Jen Flaum (@jflaumy) on

Empire State of Mind

A post shared by Jen Flaum (@jflaumy) on

The first of three consecutive weekends together 🙄

A post shared by Jen Flaum (@jflaumy) on

Hashtag my Calvins.

America is bae

A post shared by Jen Flaum (@jflaumy) on

Stuck at the driving range 🙄

A post shared by Jen Flaum (@jflaumy) on

Also, her dog is insanely cute bee tee dubs.

I love you Dakota Jade 😘

A post shared by Jen Flaum (@jflaumy) on

The newest addition to the Flaum fam

A post shared by Jen Flaum (@jflaumy) on

Southern comfort zone

A post shared by Jen Flaum (@jflaumy) on

As a Red Sox fan, needless to say I’m a big fan of her work.

[via Instagram/@jflaumy]

Image via Instagram/@jflaumy

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Boston Max

You can usually find me romancing your older sister over at PGP (PostGradProblems)

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