Deep in the heart of the Ontario backwoods lives an almost mythical creature. His mane? Shaggy, yet tame. His coat? Sky blue, like the waters in the land in which the Hamm’s beer he so enjoys was born. His stench? Musky, like the 5’10”, 70-pound fish he reeled out of Lake of the Woods last year. His name is Larry Enticer, and he exists solely to test the limits of God’s creation on the back of his trusty super twin snowmobile steeds.
Larry, who also goes by pseudonyms “Denim Danger” and “Denim Danger 69,” has even attempted what would have been a world record-breaking snowmobile jump.
He would’ve successfully completed it, except my sources at the Catholic Church told me that God purposefully struck him down mid-jump. I guess the man upstairs thought that completion of said jump would’ve led to Larry stealing some of Jesus’ thunder? Something about “false prophets” or “bearing false witness” or whatever. Classic papal mumbo jumbo. Makes sense, though — they both are god-like and have flow for days.
We don’t deserve you, Larry, but we need you now more than ever. Godspeed..
[via Instagram/Larry Enticer]
Image via Facebook/Larry Enticer