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Lane Kiffin is a national treasure. I cannot root against a team he’s coaching. I don’t know what the FAU football motto is but #OwlDown or #Hootball or whatever. I’m all in on the Owls next season. I wish this man nothing but success in all endeavors, whether it be on the field when he’s coaching or playing the field when he’s trolling for college ass on Tinder as Joey Freshwater (his phone is going to melt from overuse if he Tinders at FAU).
Kiffin’s latest proof that he’s one of the best things about college football is this instant classic quote in which he claims he’s actually broke, by breaking down how much money he loses to taxes and divorce. And… he might be kind of broke, actually.
He told as much to Sports Illustrated.
He pauses for a minute. He’s been trying to be boring, reimagined and remastered. He thinks out loud. “Should I tell my joke?”
He can’t help himself, a classic Kiffin trait, and proceeds: “I used to say there’s a constantly daily battle between who can take more of my money between Layla and Obama.”
He continues with a bit of fuzzy math: “I figured it out. I really don’t make any money. I pay around 52% in taxes. Layla gets 34.5% in the divorce, and [agent Jimmy Sexton] gets 3%. I make [about] 9% and I’m living in Tuscaloosa.”
Thankfully he’s moving to a state with no income tax, so that should help him out a little bit. Plus I can’t imagine FAU girls are too hard to impress. Just take them to the “nice” Chili’s and have a bottle of André waiting on ice at home and you’ll be fine, Freshwater. As long as no one gets pregnant, anyway. Godspeed. #ROwlTide.
[via Sports Illustrated]