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Lane Kiffin: ‘I Look At Assistant Coaches’ Wives. It Tells Me If They Are Good Recruiters Or Not’

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lane kiffin fau recruiting

God bless America and Lane Kiffin.

If you didn’t love Big Dick Kiff already, the Florida Atlantic University head football coach gave you another reason to accept him as your Saturday lord and savior in an article published by CBS Sports on Friday.

The article, a profile on Kiffin’s hiring of 24-year-old football prodigy Charlie Weis Jr. as FAU’s offensive coordinator, gave us one of the most Lane Kiffin-esque quotes of all time. Apparently Kiffin’s recruiting skill reviews are less merit-based and more hot wife-based (a la Will Muschamp and James Franklin).

From CBS Sports:

When Kendal Briles left for Houston, Kiffin knew exactly who he’d go after. Falcons coach Dan Quinn reluctantly lost Weis Jr.

A budding career in the NFL was ended for now to call plays for one of the best play callers in the business.

“He had all A’s in every single thing he’s ever done,” Kiffin said. “Normally those kids can’t socialize. That’s not him at all.

“He’s got a beautiful wife. How’d Charlie get her? I look at assistant coaches’ wives. It tells me if they are good recruiters or not.”

Honestly, I don’t know how Kiffin fits into his pants every day with balls that big. Kiff definitely bangs freshmen and coaches’ wives. What a power move.

Let’s be honest: an assistant coach selling a college football program isn’t all that different from a used car salesman selling a 2005 Ford Taurus. Some football programs and used cars are just turds, but they’re your turds and you’ve got to shine them up and sell them. How else do you think Kansas fields a team every year?

A lot of football coaches look like they’ve taken one too many footballs to the face, yet they still go home to hot wives at the end of the day. How? Recruiting. And money. Mostly money, but some recruiting too. If anyone who’s not objectively hot can convince an objectively hot chick to look at them and think, “I want to be with this person even though I can do better,” then they should be given high up recruiting positions. Kiffin’s logic is undeniable.

I imagine this is how most of Kiffin’s interviews with coaches go: “I think you’ll be a great fit here, coach. You’re hired. Also, per terms of the contract, I’ll have your wife tonight. See you Monday.”

Big Dick Kiff strikes again.

[via CBS Sports]

Image via Wikimedia Commons

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El Taco

Either a war hero or war criminal depending on how you look at it

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