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Kim Jong-un Did The Damn Thing Again (Slaughtered Numerous Innocent People)

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With anti-aircraft guns again, too. Fuck that’s cool.

At this point, if I see a headline about North Korea or Kim Jong-un and it’s not about innocent people dying for reasons that make zero to little sense, then it’s a huge disappointment. I’ll still read it, of course, because he’s my favorite person currently residing on planet Earth, but Kim Jong is at his best when he’s offing folks in extravagant ways left and right for looking at him wrong or falling asleep in meetings.

It’s called dictating, and no one does it better.

From Business Insider:

North Korea executed five senior security officials with anti-aircraft guns because they made false reports that “enraged” leader Kim Jong Un, South Korea’s spy agency said Monday.

The comments by the National Intelligence Service in a private briefing to lawmakers come as Malaysia investigates the poisoning death of Kim’s estranged elder half brother, Kim Jong Nam. That investigation is still going on, but South Korea says it believes Kim Jong Un ordered the assassination, which took place Feb. 13 at Kuala Lumpur’s airport.

The spy agency told lawmakers that five North Korean officials in the department of recently purged state security chief Kim Won Hong were executed by anti-aircraft guns because of the false reports to Kim, South Korean lawmaker Lee Cheol Woo said. It’s not clear what false reports they allegedly made, and the NIS didn’t say how it got its information.

Uh hey, guys. Maybe double check to make sure your reports are in order before dropping them on the Supreme Leader’s desk? That’s day one stuff under Kim Jong-un’s watch. If the validity of your reports mean life or death, and they very literally do, that’s on you if there’s an error in those motherfuckers. No one to blame but yourself.

I know the normal reaction here is to be all “Oh he’s so fucking mean and ruthless – those poor innocent people,” but this is called disposing of a few bad apples before they spoil the whole bunch. It’s called taking out the trash. It’s called trimming the fat or any other analogy you want to use that basically means these people had to fucking die.

The anti-aircraft guns, though, that’s just a statement way to kill people. Vintage Kim Jong-un right here. Yeah it’d be much easier and more humane to use lethal injection or something similar, but you line up five senior officials and pump them full of rounds powerful enough to take out fucking airplanes at a very long range — basically leaving their bodies in a heap of blood and guts, spraying organ fragments all over the damn place and just painting the entire landscape red — and I bet you the next reports to come in are accurate as fuck.

Long live the Supreme Leader.

[via Business Insider]

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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