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Kim Jong-un Brings His Own Toilet Everywhere He Goes Because His Dictator Game Is On Lock

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Say what you want about Kim Jong-un, but there is no denying he’s the dictator of a lifetime. He’s just so money and I can’t even handle it anymore. Now sure, some of his policies and agendas are a little aggressive — the mass hunger and poverty, horrifying suppression, tyranny, people living in constant fear for their lives, the corruption, citizens getting slaughtered for speaking out against the regime, the whole communism thing. That stuff isn’t all that great, but when your dictator’s dictator game is so on point, you can let bygones be bygones.

I can’t believe Kim Jong is ahead of me on this one — actually I can because he’s a forward-thinking genius who has no equal. Anyway, he travels with his own personal toilet because sitting his bare ass where another human’s ass has previously sat is “unthinkable.”

Fuck, he’s good. He’s so right and no logical person can disagree. Asses are gross. My ass is the only one I’m on board with. Keep your nasty ass away from my toilet seat, you disgusting pig.

From Daily Mail:

Officials in North Korea have stated in the past that its tyrannical leader has magical powers and so doesn’t need to use the toilet.

However, sources close to his personal guards have said that he actually does need the loo from time to time – and always travels with a mobile toilet because it would be ‘unthinkable for him to use a public restroom’.

It’s claimed that he has mobile toilets built into the car he travels around in, as well as his personal train.

I just looked at portable toilets on Amazon and this is the one I’m considering:

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It’s only $32.49 and I have Prime so it can be here by Monday. Beginning Monday, my ass will only know this toilet seat and this toilet seat will only know my ass. Like a beautiful marriage. It’s not fancy but it looks like it will get the job done, but obviously the best feature of this toilet is that no ass has ever touched it before. Only mine will.

There doesn’t appear to be anything to catch my shit, though? Maybe it comes with some sort of shit-catching device or maybe I just shit on the floor? Either way works for me. If I was half the dictator Kim Jong-un is I’d have someone on standby to mop up after me — some peasant whose sole purpose is to clean my feces and live in fear. Now that’s dictating.

But I’m no Kim Jong-un. No one is.

[via Daily Mail]

Image via James Francis /

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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