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This one hits close to home for me. While I was never kicked out of the student section during my undergrad years at the University of Wisconsin (a fact that kinda makes me feel like a puss), I had to deal with the butthole excrement that comes in the form of trying to get into the student section every home game.
Let me break it down for you. Wisconsin’s student section is notoriously very rowdy, which stems directly from the fact that the student section is notoriously very drunk. The university has done many things to curb this, such as schedule the majority of our home games at 11:00 a.m. and have a strict one strike policy for students who are ejected for being too drunk (you’re allowed to come to the rest of the games, but must show up completely sober or you won’t be allowed in). By far the worst thing they’ve done to curb it, though, is their new seating policy.
To get into the student section, you walk with your group through the first gate, where your voucher is scanned. Your group then stays together and walks to a ticket handout station. If you’re in a semi-large group, there’s a decent chance that your group will get divided up because the tickets go by row. What was about to be a nice day at Camp Randall with your friends is now a nice day standing alone on a bench in Camp Randall as you look over at where your friends are standing, on the complete opposite side of the bench below you. Surely nobody will catch you if you try to sneak over to a different bench, right? Well, this whole process is run by the UW Police Department, so good luck. Of course, all this work also takes a very long time, and because of that, the student section doesn’t usually fill up until sometime in the second quarter these days. Some students aren’t even going to the games in fear that they’ll get separated from their friends and have to watch the game alone. Go Badgers?
The university enacted this policy because a ton of students were standing in seats that were not their own, making some losers angry that they didn’t have access to the seat listed on their ticket. Guess what, Stephen Spoilsport? The seat listed on your ticket doesn’t matter. It’s like the points in “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” or the results of that STD test you just took. Just be happy you’re inside the gates and let every man fend for himself. First come, first serve, you turds.
According to PennLive, Wisconsin ejects 73.69 fans for every 100,000 fans in attendance. That’s almost 2.6 times that of Michigan, which comes in at second in the B1G at 28.5 fans per 100,000. While the university probably assumes their new seating policy is helping students have a fun and safe time, thus preventing arguments that will lead to ejections, that’s just not the case — it actually leads to more ejections. One visitor to the student section fell victim to this asinine policy and decided to troll the UWPD for kicking him out of the game this past weekend.
A friend was ejected from a Badger game at Camp Randall. Seats are not assigned, however stadium section is assigned at entry. 12 in his group was assigned 1 section, and he was assigned a different one. He tried to stick with the group he entered with and was promptly ejected from the stadium. He was upset about the situation, so he sent the department 20 dozen coconut donuts as a harmless sign of disapproval. Nobody likes coconut donuts.
The store had to order ingredients to fulfill the order!
After doing some police detective work, the UPWD tracked down the kid who sent all the donuts. Here’s their email exchange.
Expert troll job by the kid who was ejected, and great responses by the UWPD. Aside from getting kicked out of a game he travelled hundreds of miles for, everybody got what they wanted out of this situation. He got his catharsis, UPWD got to save face (and a few officers with terrible tastebuds probably got to scarf down some donuts), and the Salvation Army Women’s Shelter got a sizable food donation. Win-win-win.
Now fix your fucked up system, Wisconsin..
Image via Imgur