======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Introducing the “Double Down Dog,” KFC’s newest menu addition aimed at worsening your heart health, likely after just one bite.
“What the fuck is that?” you may ask yourself. Well, just an enormous, quarter-pound hot dog slathered with faux cheese sauce and encased in a molded, fried chicken bun. It would be everything the American foodie loves if it wasn’t absolutely disgusting and from KFC.
Here’s what it’s advertised to look like:
Here’s what it really looks like (as if the thought of it wasn’t disgusting enough in the first place):
— Rizz (@Rizzmigizz) January 26, 2015
The caption above pretty much says it all. Fucking disgusting.
First thing’s first: I barely trust KFC’s chicken enough to eat it when I’m plastered after a night of drinking, so there’s no way in hell I’m trusting any sort of “hot dog” that the chain may serve. I mean, hot dogs are already among the worst things you can possibly eat from a health perspective, so I can’t even imagine how bad one from a KFC drive-thru could possibly be for you. It has to be directly correlated to a heart attack, right?
To boot, the “cheese sauce” that the Double Down Dog is doused in looks more like semen. Gross. On top of that, there’s no way that chicken breasts just naturally come in the form and shape of a hot dog bun, so I don’t even want to begin to think about the manufactured processing these things go through before they can even be alarmingly sold as food.
As of now, though, the Double Down Dog is sold exclusively in the Philippines, which sounds like a good thing. If it were to make its way across the Pacific to America, well, I’d fear the plague would find a way to accompany it.
Apparently, the Filipino KFC chains are only selling 50 Double Down Dogs a day. It is unclear whether this is because of an issue of exclusivity or because of the fact that the consumers eating the repulsive excuse for food are dying too rapidly.
In the case that KFC ever tries to drop this artery explosive on the American market, I’ll be taking a page out of Cuban’s book.