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Keeping Kanye and Kim in Perspective

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Last week Kim Kardashian had some one on one girl time with the Queen Bee herself, Oprah Winfrey. They chatted about how Kim was introduced to the world through a sex tape, the effects it had on her family, and about her recent love affair with Kanye West. Shoot me in the face.

“To have him in my life this way says a lot about us,” said Kim.

Yes it does Kimmy, it really does. I admit, Kardashian has an outstanding derriere that almost defies everything the scientific community knows about genetics. And yeah, Yeezy has the incredible ability to make a track that both makes women go crazy on the dance floor and makes me want to sprint up a hill when I’m jogging. But even with all that, is their love life really important enough to be having serious conversations about? Yes Kim’s unending quest for wiener and screen time is amusing. Yes Kanye West is too crazy to not pay attention to. I understand the tabloid appeal. But this relationship was made to be laughed at, not discussed.

It grosses me out a little bit if anything. The pictures surfacing of the two in matching Nike’s or driving ridiculous sports cars in beautiful foreign cities makes me openly wonder if they’re the ones who should be laughing at us. It’s like a 21st century Fitzgerald novel for retards. Kanye’s putting the “G” in The Great Gatsby.

Listening to Kim talk about Kanye is reminiscent of hearing your sluttiest friend telling you about their new “love” when you know that even they don’t believe themselves. This is targeted mainly at you ladies. I know real life can get more mundane than the July sports season but the next time you need to live vicariously through someone else’s romance go pick up a Jane Austin novel. Besides, this romance is going to end tragically as soon as pics from Kanye and Dakota Fanning’s love affair (please, please, please God let this happen) in Bora Bora surface. Then Kim will have to go back to trolling NBA pine for her next piece of a(ss)ttention. You stay away from James Harden and his beard you filthy she-devil!

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