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Katherine Webb Is Newly Single, Brent Musburger Ups Levitra Prescription, AJ McCarron Prepares To Go Full Namath On Bama’s Sorority Row

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I should acknowledge that everything in that headline is pretty much speculation. First off, Webb has denied everything I claim in the headline, except the Musburger/Levitra thing, which she has no way of knowing, so we’ll assume that’s true. Still, there’s a rumor that Webb, the most interesting thing (category: non-fiction) about last year’s prime time nationally televised Alabama practice session against some Catholic high school’s team, has split up with Alabama QB AJ McCarron. Our inside source from the world of college football media assures TFM that the rumor is true though, because they aren’t following each other on Twitter anymore and that’s TOTES a sign. Eh, who am I to argue, or investigate for that matter? Besides, even if this isn’t true, today isn’t fact Friday, so let’s speculate away.

So, Webb and McCarron are done. What does that mean? It means our girl Katherine is about to become a career woman, for starters. TV, film, modeling? All possibilities for the beauty queen who has been pursuing as much for a while. Unshackling herself from McCarron means more time to focus on her career, and less time returning text messages to her agent while she poorly attempts to feign interest during the ho hum procedure that she and AJ now consider intercourse.

Brent Musburger, meanwhile, the man who more or less made Webb famous, is probably pretty excited. Calm down Brent! Still your heart. Have a glass of red wine, take your meds, and collect yourself. Webb hasn’t gotten desperate enough to sleep with you yet, and I’d like to keep you on Earth for another football and basketball season. Still, grab some extra Levitra, because you never know.

Here’s what I’m most interested in, though: How many Alabama sorority girls is AJ McCarron going to defile during his last year in Tuscaloosa? The numbers might end up being legendary. A normal, average, worthless asshole who becomes newly single during his senior year of college usually goes on a tear. Now turn Steve McWhogivesafuck into the quarterback on the best team in college football at an SEC school, where football is their religion (and their religion is their politics), and every vagina within a forty mile radius is officially in the danger zone. Though it might not be fair to call it “the danger zone,” because I have a feeling a fair amount of fathers may offer their daughters willingly. Second semester will be especially impressive, after he doesn’t have a season to deal with. Again, imagine how you behaved your last semester in college, then make yourself the quarterback at Bama.

The question is, can McCarron put up Namath-esque numbers? As you’ll recall, Broadway Joe made some pretty impressive claims about his time at Alabama.

The interviewer also asked how many sexual conquests he’d had, and he estimated the number at 300 by the time he finished college. Broadway Joe said when he was bored in class, he would make a list of all the women he’d been with, and the number was beyond 300.

Godspeed AJ, godspeed.

Or, you know, this is all bullshit.


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