NEW TFM Videos Section

Watch thousands of hilarious videos from college campuses across the country.

Watch Now

Johnny Manziel Continues Summer Domination, Is Caught Rolling Up Dollar Bill In Bathroom

======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====

The big news is that Johnny Manziel was captured on camera rolling up American currency (presumably featuring a photo of Benjamin Franklin) in a restroom over the holiday weekend. Having spun cash into straw form many, many times, I’m aware of only one reason for doing so, and that one reason is getting down with snortable drugs. The cell phone photo below was sent in through our tip line, posted yesterday evening by Busted Coverage, and will undoubtedly be seen everywhere from ESPN to TMZ in the coming hours.

Manziel Getting Down

Photos of Johnny in the same outfit, with his chain untucked and his gray t-shirt, hanging with Playboy’s Miss Social, Dallas Parks, surfaced on Instagram as well. I assume these two photos are from the same night, but, knowing Johnny, I guess it’s possible that he was on a 3-day bender and didn’t care enough to change shirts.

In Johnny Cocaine’s defense, getting fucked up was at the top of a short list of things I cared about when I was 21 years old, followed shortly thereafter by discovering new ways to get fucked up, and chasing hot girls. The world was my oyster, and I was going to puke all over that oyster and laugh about it. But I wasn’t a world class athlete, signed to Nike, drafted by the Cleveland Browns, or under the constant observance of every paparazzi and cell phone-wielding jackass from here to Timbuktu.

I’m all about giving people time to learn from their own mistakes, but this latest string of inexplicably unintelligent decisions, like hanging with Justin Bieber, is making me nervous for Money Manziel. I’ve been down the road of giving so few fucks that nothing could stop me. You’re reading a column written by a man that once tested positive for cocaine use in a court-ordered drug test that he was aware of weeks beforehand. Unlike marijuana, which can show up in a piss test for a month if you’re smoking like Wiz Khalifa, cocaine can exit your system in just two days. You have to be really, really stupid to fail a piss test for blow use (I was doing it the night before, still really sorry, Mom and Dad).

It’s a dangerous path the man formerly known as Johnny Football is going down. Entertaining? Hell yes. But dangerous nonetheless.

When I was literally and figuratively blowing it on the reg, I eventually pulled my head out of my ass and got my shit together. Unfortunately, Johnny doesn’t have the luxury of time. Not if he wants to remain a quarterback in the NFL, anyway. But maybe that’s not at the top of the short list of things he cares about. Maybe he thinks his odds of longterm success in the NFL are slim, and he’s hedging his bets to make sure he has a shit ton of celebrity friends no matter what happens on the field. Maybe all he cares about is raging with the Biebs and Drake, and making unknown hot girls famous simply by being photographed with them.

It’s his life, and nobody has the right to tell him how to live it, but the success he has earned so far is his to either build upon, or squander. I’m still rooting for the guy, but he has to be smarter than this, or, at the very least, do his dollar bill rolling in a bathroom stall with a bodyguard standing at the door to make sure nobody with a freaking iPhone ruins his career.

(Annnnd as I typed this, TMZ broke the news that Manziel was pouring drinks behind the bar at Rooftop on 6th Street in Austin, Texas over the weekend.)

Email this to a friend

Ross Bolen

Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles podcast, host of the Back Door Cover podcast, Rockets, Astros and Texans internet mascot, cheese enchilada aficionado, nap god, 2017 Masters attendee, and Editor-in-Chief of Grandex Media.

45 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

Download Our App

Take TFM with you. Get

The Feed