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Jared Lorenzen, AKA “The Hefty Lefty,” Gives A Strong Pitch On Why He Should Join The XFL

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Jared Lorenzen is famous for being the fattest quarterback to ever play in the NFL. Kudos to him though, he always embraced the title just as much as fans embraced being able to come up with nicknames for his abnormal size. Some of the best describers for the 300 lb. man included: Hefty Lefty, Pillsbury Throwboy, and my personal favorite, the Abdominal Throwman.

The Kentucky Wildcat legend has been out of the game since 2013 where his slender frame was last seen achieving viral relevancy by sidestepping defenders in a local arena league. But that was the last we heard of J-Load, that is until now. The former quarterback has taken to Twitter to start his campaign for joining the XFL reboot, and he has the perfect nickname to go along with it.

He Ate Me, playing off the one and only famous character from the original XFL, He Hate Me. Sign him up! You can’t tell me that there isn’t a merchandising goldmine that will follow this guy. Not to mention the fact that watching a man that massive scoot around the field is exactly the kind of family-friendly entertainment that Vince McMahon is going for. Just imagine the cheers that will come the first time his ass barrels down on an unsuspecting safety.

That’s what I’m talking about. Now as it stands, Lorenzen is hovering around the 500 lb. mark, but he is already into a program to fight off the weight he currently carries. With two years until the inaugural season, I am really rooting for him to find enough weight loss success to be able to compete. Even if he doesn’t lose it all, I would certainly go to see the 400 lb. QB just as much as one at 300, if not more. Bring the Hefty Lefty on board and the XFL might just become must watch.

Image via Flickr

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Dent

Dent is a washed up former athlete who swears he's totally over his ex-girlfriend. One of these days he'll get around to applying to a real job, but until then he'll keep pumping out lackluster articles while downing copious amounts of Natty Light.

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