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While all 52 weeks of the calendar year favor the tilted moral compasses and light class loads of Greeks, there is one week that stands out above the rest to truly highlight how good us Greeks have it: Greek Week. While your chapter’s Hell Weeks are probably the most memorable weeks each year, the events which go down obviously have to stay under wraps. Greek Week, on the other hand, is a chance for you and your brothers to big dick swing on every other fraternity on campus as well as your university at large.
Most IFC or Panhellenic events that are planned for your chapter are disciplinary and stem from questionable “New Member Education” programs. Thus, they are truly unbearable. Greek Week, however, breaks this mold. I’m not sure if administrators really believe that members are sober during the IFC-sponsored water flip cup tournament or if they simply do not give a rat’s ass, but Greek Week is a free-for-all through and through. Blacking out on a Monday and trying to throw hands over an egg toss you lost fair and square probably sounds psychotic. But when you mix in every fraternity and sorority on campus, this is status quo and those douches from down the row who beat you better be ready to brawl the next time they embarrass you in a game fit for a fifth grade field trip. If during rush an active told me that one day I would get unnaturally furious over a JI losing in a hula-hoop race, I would have walked out the door, never to be seen in that house again. But the strange truth is that this is normal during Greek Week.
The glory of Greek Week does not stop at the over-the-top hostility and competitiveness, though. Perhaps the best part of Greek Week lies within the title: only Greeks get to enjoy the week of debauchery. As the campus GDIs make their daily scooter commute to class while chucking vape clouds, they’re caught in another weekly rut with no idea of the primal behavior all of Greek row took part in the previous evening. Fedora McE-cig sits down for another video game design class and impatiently waits for lecture to end so he can play some more League of Legends. Meanwhile, you escort some budget exotic dancers out the front door and sit on the patio enjoying your morning smoke, already sending out mass texts for that night’s party.
So this spring when Greek Week comes around again, warm up your liver, hit the speed bag, and mentally prepare to allow a week of meaningless games make you absurdly frustrated. You’re gonna have a blast..