NEW TFM Videos Section

Watch thousands of hilarious videos from college campuses across the country.

Watch Now

Iran Wants To Ban Dog Ownership Now Because They Hate Awesome Stuff

======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====

Screen Shot 2014-11-09 at 11.26.46 PM

According to my Facebook “trending” column, the current news headlines are nothing more than NFL crap and some blurb about Matt Damon returning to play Jason Bourne in a movie to be released in 2016. Those are the kinds of intense struggles everyday Americans have to face in their daily lives.

Iran is a different story.

It is well known that Iran is an enemy of the great United States. Until now, though, I have never given a fuck about its Middle Eastern babbling bullshit. If it wasn’t for the country’s endless failures and inevitable international goofs, some iota of my being might encourage me to take it somewhat seriously, but I can’t. It’s not humanly possible.

Today, however, I began to give a fuck. That shithole hit me where it hurts. Iran is about to take away dogs from the people, and you don’t just fuck with a man’s dog. These backward Neanderthals fail to understand that dogs are better than people, and they’re the worst kind of people for hating dogs.

According to a new bill proposed by Iranian legislators, Iranian citizens are essentially banned from owning dogs and face stiff punishments if they are caught.

From International Business Times:

Dog owners in Iran will be sentenced to 74 lashes if they are caught keeping the pets at home or walking them in public.

The proposed ban follows a series of episodes in which dog owners were fined and had their pets confiscated as the animals are considered to be ‘dirty’ under Islamic law.

The new bill, if passed, would also punish those charged with dog-related offences to pay fines up to 100 million rials (£2,363).

“Anyone who walks or plays with animals such as dogs or monkeys in public places will damage Islamic culture, as well as the hygiene and peace of others, especially women and children,” the draft law states.

Here’s a twist for you: these guys are just extreme jackasses. Dogs are apparently kosher in Islam according to Islamic Concern, a website designed to straighten out Islamic misinterpretations.

“It is NOT Haram [wrong] to touch a dog or any other animal. If the saliva of a dog touches you or any part of your clothing, then it is required of you to wash the body part touched and the item of clothing touched by the dog’s mouth or snout.”

There goes all reasoning for the gigantic pricks who seek to have this imposed on the people.

Fuck those guys. Eat dogshit, Iran.

[via International Business Times, Islamic Concern]

Image via Zazzle

Email this to a friend

Bogey Wells

Bogey Wells is a Senior Freelance Writer for TFM News and a former summer pledge intern at TFMHQ. His Spotify playlists are pure garbage. Email:

12 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

Download Our App

Take TFM with you. Get

The Feed