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*** VERY IMPORTANT: Listen to the below song while you read this article***
Ladies and gentlemen, after six rounds of matchups ranging from “#2 Golf vs. #15 Puking in an Uber” to “#7 New Balances vs. #10 Holes in the drywall,” over 836,000 votes cast, and countless hearts broken, I am proud to announce that 1 seed Natural Light has prevailed over #2 Hazing to claim the Official 2016 Frat Bracket Championship.
Which is more frat?
- #1 Natural Light (52%, 5,944 Votes)
- #2 Hazing (48%, 5,545 Votes)
Total Voters: 11,489
In what was one of the closest and most highly-contested battles of the entire tournament, #1 Natural Light managed to squeak by #2 Hazing with 52% of the vote, securing its distinction as 2016’s frattest thing. Enjoy your one shining moment, Natty.
Here’s a quick recap of Natty Light’s road to the title.
Round of 64: #1 Natural Light vs. #16 Philanthropy
Natural Light made quick work of 16 seed philanthropy by securing 92% of the vote against the doomed play-in game victor, the largest margin of victory in this year’s tournament. Anyone who picked an upset here is a moron. If I’d made odds for these matchups and been the house, I’d have put philanthropy at (-2000). No chance I’d have paid up if philanthropy had won, though, because odds are (ba dum tss) that money would’ve gone towards some pansy-ass philanthropic endeavor. Yuck.
Round of 32: #1 Natural Light vs. #9 Patagonia
#9 Patagonia’s fashionable cloth provisions definitely had me on upset alert, but Natural Light handily defeated the frat clothier, netting 73% of the vote. With this victory, Natty Light proved that it could defeat brands as well as concepts, a sign that the most fraternal beer in the world, with a set of diverse wins under its belt, would be a contender in this year’s tournament.
Sweet Sixteen: #1 Natural Light vs. #4 Cocaine
Many people voiced concern that #4 Cocaine was drastically under-seeded, and may have even deserved a 1 seed. Natty quelled all that comment section unrest with a 70-30 slashing of booger sugar in the Sweet Sixteen. Natty blew blow out of the water.
Elite Eight: #1 Natural Light vs. #2 Golf
This one looked like a way better matchup on paper than it ended up being. Who would’ve thought that Golf would lose any matchup 65-35??? It’s the frattest sport there is, and sports by themselves are already frat. This demolition surprised me, though the result did not.
Final Four: #1 Natural Light vs. #14 Shower beers
#14 Shower beers were the Cinderella of this year’s tournament, and a lot of people wanted them to keep on winning regardless of their opponent. This group of blind followers thirsting for an upset probably led to this being Natural Light’s closest matchup up to this point, but it was never really a battle — Natty took 60% of the vote.
Championship Game: #1 Natural Light vs. #2 Hazing
This one was always close. I kept checking back throughout the day to see if hazing had surpassed Natural Light, but Natural Light held a small, yet apparently insurmountable lead throughout the entire battle. Despite the comment section being predominantly pro-hazing, it appears the silent majority came out in full force to push Natural Light to victory.
Now, to celebrate, here are some of 2016 Frat Bracket Champion Natural Light’s greatest hits.
Congratulations, Natural Light!.
Listen to our writers discuss the Official 2016 Frat Bracket on this edition of the Inside TFM Podcast: