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In Mayweather-McGregor The Loser Will Be Us

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This summer, Floyd Mayweather is coming out of retirement for one last bout when he steps into the ring with UFC superstar Conor McGregor. It’s the sporting event of the summer. We’re all gonna talk about it. We’re all going to break the bank to watch it. And it’s gonna suck. We finally get to answer an age old question. Who’s better at boxing: the best professional boxer alive or a guy that fucked around the amateur Irish boxing circuit before committing to cage fighting?

Before you think I’m bashing McGregor, I’m not. He’s obviously a phenomenal athlete, and obviously boxing is a component in MMA, but that doesn’t change the fact that he hasn’t seen hand speed anywhere close to Mayweather’s. Floyd is gonna pick him apart. And it’s going to be boring as hell. It’s gonna be like watching paint dry on a wall, but if the paint and the wall were both making hundreds of millions of dollars.

And I’m not bashing Mayweather’s fighting style, either. A lot of people call him “boring” since he’s so defensive. But those people are morons who only know boxing from Rocky movies and old Tyson fights. They don’t understand that boxing isn’t just haymaker, haymaker, knockout. It requires actual strategy and to avoid being punched in the face is a big part of the sport.

That being said, this fight will be the most unnecessary thing since the 3rd Hangover film. Floyd will either catch one too many times and have McGregor unconscious on the floor quicker than Bill Cosby’s prom date, or we’ll watch Floyd dance around the ring like an even shorter Bruno Mars for 12 rounds and win by unanimous decision. The latter is most likely what we’re in for since Conor has an iron chin. Either way, we’re gonna drop a crisp hundo dollar bill on it and realize we could have used that money to force homeless people to rap battle each other.

Again, I love Conor McGregor. But if you honestly think he’s gonna win, you’re more delusional than the lead singer of Smash Mouth thinking he’s ever going to be associated with anything other than Shrek. Sure, Conor CAN box, but that doesn’t mean he can win this. My cousin was an all-county player back in high school, but if you put him on the court against Lebron it would be a massacre. And my cousin has the significant age advantage like Conor.

I’m a fan of Floyd as an athlete but there’s definitely plenty of valid reasons to hate him. But out of all those valid reasons, his arrogance about his skills as a boxer ain’t one of ‘em. Make all the excuses you want, but he really is one of the greatest to ever step into a ring. 49 and 0 is no small feat. Numbers don’t lie. If you’re gonna hate Mayweather, hate him because he’s a garbage human being. Or more importantly, hate him for only finishing in 9th place in season 5 of Dancing With The Stars. NINTH. Pathetic for a guy who has practiced his footwork his entire life.

McGregor is the clearly a way more likable guy and just the fucking man overall, but he’s going to look downright lost in the most boring fight of the century. The only fight Mayweather will ever lose again is against a book.

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Wally Bryton

TFM's most beloved writer

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