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In A Brilliant Move, Duke Is Forcing Freshmen To Room With Total Strangers

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Of all of the things first-year students have to worry about, the dorm experience is perhaps the most challenging. My freshman year I lived in a literal 10-foot by 10-foot box with my twin XL mattress all but three feet away from that of my roommate’s. There was no A/C, a small prison-size window, and the community bathroom was about a mile down the hallway.

But that was just the beginning of my worries. I had to acquire a whole new skillset like figuring out how to do laundry, learning how to get out of bed without being told, and most importantly properly timing out my masturbation schedule to align with that of when my roommate was in class.

These were just general concerns that I had. Then comes the whole thing of will I mesh with my roommate? Luckily, I roomed with a high school friend, but for the next crop of incoming freshman at Duke University, things may not go so smoothly as they will be going into the rooming process blind. Every single one of them.

From WRAL:

The incoming Duke University class of 2022 will start their college experience with random roommates in order to promote the university’s beliefs on diversity and inclusivity, according to a statement released by the university.

All Duke University first-year students live on East Campus, something the university said offers new students the best opportunity to meet and interact with students of different backgrounds.

But this year, students will not be allowed to pre-select a dorm roommates.

“In the last few years, we’ve seen increasing numbers of students who have pre-selected roommates, often with very similar backgrounds to their own,” the statement read. “While this may make the transition to college seem somewhat easier, we’ve also seen that this can work against your having the best educational experience in the long term

Hey Duke, there is a reason people are selecting roommates with “similar backgrounds.” Call me crazy, but when you are shoved into close quarters with a complete stranger for 10 months, it’s kind of nice to have some common ground to build off of. They’re at least going to do the old housing questionnaire, right? You know the one about partying — if you drink/smoke/act recklessly in any way?

A spokesperson said staff will take into account lifestyle preferences such as preferred sleep hours and study location preferences and medical accommodations when deciding housing assignments.

Preferred study locations are equally as important as those things that I mentioned. Looks like Duke’s housing department is just going to be throwing the worst possible combinations together and watching the sparks fly. Chain-smoking sex freak of a ne’er-do-well who just happened to ace his SAT’s (totally cheated)? Ahhh yes, you will be paired with the homeschooled virgin and his emotional support lizard. Have fun talking about your diverse backgrounds!

Hopefully, things work out for all involved. I mean I don’t think they will, but I’m rooting for ya.

PS: *Insert obligatory Fuck Coach K reference here*

[via WRAL]

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Dent is a washed up former athlete who swears he's totally over his ex-girlfriend. One of these days he'll get around to applying to a real job, but until then he'll keep pumping out lackluster articles while downing copious amounts of Natty Light.

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