If You Got A Handy In The Stands At The Bills Game Yesterday, Your New Lover Is Looking For You

======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====

Screen Shot 2015-09-14 at 3.37.04 PM
Hey, Bills fans, if you got your tally whacked yesterday at Ralph Wilson Stadium, your new lover is looking for you — and she wants to go another round.

A Craigslist post from Western New York has the details. Basically, while her boyfriend was in the bathroom, some assumably heinous Buffalo chick jerked off the face-painted guy next to her until he creamed his pants. It’s basically Buffalo’s version of Romeo and Juliet.


OK, let’s breakdown and rank all the weird shit that happened at the Bills game yesterday:

4. This guy slamming his face into a parked bus after a tough round of dizzy bat.
3. A Saturday night Tailgate suicide in the parking lot of Ralph Wilson Stadium.
2. An in-stadium stranger handjob with a random face-painted dude.
1. The Bills winning a home-opener against a decent Indianapolis Colts team.

All of this stuff is completely out of the ordinary for almost any other NFL franchise (Looking at you, Jets fans).

Sure, there is a chance this is fake, but I want it to be real so bad. In the last 24 hours, I have learned more about the city of Buffalo, NY than I ever wanted to know. It is a weird, fucked up place where it snows all the time and people jerk each other off during a Bills game. I mean, it’s clearly not heaven — but it’s close.

What a time to be alive in Buffalo.

Originally posted on

Image via YouTube

Email this to a friend


"Now that's content!" - Steve Holt. Send compliments to:

31 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

Download Our App

Take TFM with you. Get

The Feed