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Sam Darnold — Quarterback, USC
– Looks the part. Definitely would play the quarterback if he was cast in some cheesy, coming-of-age high school football film.
– Good genes. Grandfather’s name is Dick Hammer.
– Can’t trust a guy who doesn’t sweat. Major red flag in my book.
– QB1 has to slay the most muff on the team. Sam seems like he gets cucked by blind long snapper Jake Olson.
– Sanchez, Leinart, John David “I’m coming for that” Booty. USC QBs have a bad rap.
Looks way better than he plays. Can’t trust him in the clutch. Mid-round selection.
Baker Mayfield — Quarterback, Oklahoma
– Johnny Football Lite.
– Willing to take big risks when the pressure’s on (see above video).
– Not afraid to piss all over his opponent’s existence no matter how inferior they might be.
– Absolute rocket ship of a girlfriend.
– Johnny Football Lite. Yes, this is also a bad thing.
– Doesn’t always think things through. “It was at that moment on the sidewalk pavement that Baker knew he had fucked up.
– Doesn’t own his antics.
– Actually says he would welcome playing in Cleveland
Actually agreeing to come to Cleveland holds weight. Top 10 pick.
Saquon Barkley — Running Back, Penn State
– Has a superstar name.
– Definitely looks the part.
– Endorsed by Johnny Football himself.
– Seems too good to be true.
– Kind of an ass kisser.
The absence of any major red flags is kind of a red flag, but dammit does he have “It.” 2018 Hall of Fame inductee
Josh Allen — Quarterback, Wyoming
– Endless amount of swagger
– Compares himself to Aaron Rodgers often (respect the hustle).
– Still having your highlights from Pop Warner is a loser move.
– Actually chose to play in the state of Wyoming.
– Not even the best quarterback from his state. Remember that kid out of Cheyenne?
An arm like his goes Top 5, but that’s not what we’re grading here. 2nd Rounder.
Josh Rosen — Quarterback, UCLA
– Kind of talks too much about issues. Big no-no in the NFL.
Could be a franchise guy, but those off-field stances he takes are too risky for crusty, old white dudes. Free Agent.
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