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Ideal Songs for Porch Drinking Part 25

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You know how it goes. You’ve had a long week, rife with classes and work and other responsibilities, but all you want to do is crack a beer and get some sun. Luckily, your good buddy Karl is here to give you the new edition of Porch Jams, all handpicked from the annals of music to perfectly complement your porch brew experience.

Fan Favorites are picked from the top comment from the previous edition. My favorite is based on whichever suggested track I dig the most.

Be sure to leave your own suggestions in the comments for a chance to be featured on next week’s list. Let’s crank some tunes.

Fan Favorite: Southern Cross, Crosby Stills and Nash

Suggested by FrankSlade. I believed in this song from day one, and you guys came through. Great job, superstars. Speaking of superstars, Crosby, Stills and Nash are throwing out some Walk of Fame worthy notes in this hit. Just let this trifecta of treble take you somewhere terrific. T is a consonant.

Karl’s Favorite: Everybody Needs Somebody, The Blues Brothers

Suggested by Jim Bowie. This is a very creative suggestion, and I applaud you for it. Blues Brothers was one of the first movies I remember watching as a kid, and the only thing better than Akroyd and Belushi’s performances is the soundtrack. This might be the finest tune in the whole movie, although their take on Rawhide was downright excellent as well. Ask for Babs.

1. Hooch, Everything

It’s a perfectly reasonable question that we never get an answer to. For all you non-50’s gangsters (read: losers) out there, hooch is a common term for liquor or other forms of spirituous beverages. As you know, thirty percent of porch drinking is “drinking”. Without hooch, you’re just some dude sitting on a porch.

2. Cheap Sunglasses, ZZ Top

All you folks with your Oakley-mons and your Bahrains are just missing the point. The best pair of shades is the cheap kind. Drop a dollar on a pair of sunglasses, and they will never break, scratch or go missing. Put down big bucks, and you’re looking at a big loss on investment. Know about it.

3. Man Made Man, The Glorious Sons

I’ve had my eye on these guys for a little over a month now, and I know some of you are fans as well. They have a pretty predictable sound, but that doesn’t make it bad. Predictability is what made bands like Deep Purple and Poison great. Give The Union a look some time, especially this track and “Hard Times”.

4. Long White Line, Sturgill Simpson

Look, kids, this fantastic song (that is pretty ideal for things like porch drinking) is about pixie stix. Ok? Stop playing my music for your parents, because they have been saying some rude things to me on Twitter where, coincidentally, you can follow me @TFM_Karl.

5. Fraternity Blues, Townes Van Zandt

If you get your panties in a wad over this song, loosen up. Laugh at yourselves, guys. This song, equal parts self-effacing and general humor, is brought to us by the late Townes Van Zandt, one of the most poetic and troubled songwriters of the past 100 years. If Beer Run gives you a giggle, this is sure to do so as well.

6. Honky Tonk Women, The Rolling Stones

It’s a little known fact that this song has never actually been performed in a dry environment. I’m not talking about deserts, idiot, but ones where there’s none of the aforementioned hooch. This one just pops on every time you’re between buzzing and blacking out. Some real next level stuff.

7. The Heart of Rock and Roll, Huey Lewis and the News

Originally appearing on the excellent but often mocked album “Sports”, this song is as Huey Lewis as they come. As can be expected for a very Huey-esque song, it’s been ranked on lists as one of the best and one of the worst. Haters make the man though, and it’s obvious that this song just rocks hard.

8. Survival of the Fittest, Mobb Deep

What if I told you that this song pairs a mellow backbeat with well sequenced and catchy lyrical flow? Is that something you might be interested in? Of course it is, because you have good enough taste to furiously refresh this list every Saturday.

9. Cocaine Blues (Live at Folsom Prison), Johnny Cash

I always thought it was a little fucked up than Johnny was singing about cocaine to prisoners. Those guys can’t even score a cup of coffee for crying out loud. Still, it’s a phenomenal take from Cash’s most famous performance. Winning over the bad guys is a go to move now, but Johnny did it first and best.

10. Riders on the Storm, The Doors

Jim Morrison and his crew keep things relaxed as they document what I’m guessing is a serial killer, something that Anthony Hopkins would do years later. Also, there’s a version with Snoop out there somewhere that’s just this song with him spitting bars. Gimmicky, but this is way better.

11. Uncle John’s Band, The Grateful Dead

Used to think this song said “Uncle John’s bed” and it freaked me out. Now that I know the truth, it’s finally great again. Not as flashy as other works by the Dead, but more relaxing than a lot of their stuff.

12. The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down, The Band

I picked this song less than an hour before the news about Ole Miss broke. Threw me for a loop, but it’s more fitting now. Either that or I’m finally a wizard, and all of you meanies in the comments are screwed.

13. Still Not a Player, Big Pun

The piano mix that this track sits on somehow perfectly accents a song about fucking a lot. Tom Jones isn’t the only one who can get laid off piano, I suppose. Of course I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that popping bubbly in a hot tub is a huge TFM.

14. Live Free or Die, Hayes Carll

How does a state as tiny as New Hampshire have such a badass motto? Respect, of course, because it’s a legitimately awesome phrase. Anyway, here we have another Carl that can’t spell his name right singing about prison and freedom. That’s a recipe for success if ever I saw one.

15. Boat Drinks, Jimmy Buffett

I have a working theory that nouns before the word “drinks” only make those drinks better. Mr. Buffett clearly agrees, and there’s a strong case for boat drinks being the best kinds there are. How about throwing that on a bracket, bosses?

Again, be sure to leave your suggestions in the comments for a chance to be featured on the next edition. Football’s a week away, so be sure to drop your favorite tailgating songs. As always, don’t drink and drive.

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Karl Karlson

Karl Karlson is TFM's self-proclaimed cartoon expert and your best buddy. He resides in Eastern NC where he spends his time roasting pigs and attempting to grow a beard. Karl enjoys drinking on elevated surfaces and rapping on podcasts.

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