======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
I know, I know — I’m kind of late reporting on Joe Jonas’ ungodly, inhumanely earsplitting NBA All-Star Weekend musical performance. That’s because I didn’t have time to write it up when I saw it and I expected the almost unbelievable video to immediately blow up, meaning I would’ve been late to the party if I’d covered it any later. I noticed today, however, that the masses were apparently never informed of the middle Jo Bro’s theatrics on Saturday night, and I’m now taking it upon myself to show you the most incredibly bizarre Jonas Brothers moment since the government detained all three of them in 2006 to interrogate them about their experiences time-traveling to the year 3,000.
How is this man an AMA-winning, Grammy-nominated recorded artist? This isn’t singing — it’s karaoke. And I’m not talking good karaoke, like cruise ship karaoke; this is liquid courage karaoke at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, where the participants are physiologically dependent on alcohol for courage and thus drink to the point of incontinence in order to convince themselves to go on stage (except Jonas is shitting out his mouth, not out his ass… though I would describe his whole performance as one large mouth shart).
“Cake By The Ocean” has made me want to take a leisurely stroll straight into the ocean and keep going until the bubbles stop..
Image via Twitter/@Deadspin