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I Never Want to Tailgate at Indiana University

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Indiana University, which once resided at the top of Playboy’s list of party schools, has now made tailgating for any of their Hoosier’s home games about as fun as tailgating at a convent, for a funeral, by BANNING handles of hard liquor at the tailgate field.

A GDI in Frat Clothing, IFC Vice President of Communications William Kragie says that the banning of handles of liquor was done in an attempt to “re-brand the Greek experience at IU.” Yeah…by turning it into a bullshit one. Apparently, the presence of handles upon handles of cheap grain liquor on the tailgate field was considered a “dangerous tailgate practice.” Are you kidding me? The only thing you’re in danger of while tailgating is a good time. I mean, yeah, maybe you can black out, but over all…the point of tailgating is to get incredibly rowdy with your pair and heckle everyone. Does IU seriously expect their students to do this on beer alone?

Dean of Students Harold Goldsmith said that the traditional tailgate experience, “wasn’t a very positive atmosphere…I was asked what would improve the image of the greek community on-campus.”

Apparently, last year during the first two weeks of IU’s football season, 99 excise tickets were issued to inebriated Greeks.

Only 99? For a school that boasts over 40,000 students, I think IU should try harder to get rowdy.

Consequences for violating the no handles rule will include police intervention. Oh, and apparently recycling receptables are being placed on tailgating fields to encourage students to recycle their shotgunned beer cans.

Has the Big 10 been taken over by hippie geeds? Is this a sick joke? Tailgating is a rite of passage. It’s an event of paramount importance to any college student’s career. Apparently, Indiana can’t even look forward to a mediocre football game anymore.

Let’s all do an extra pull from our vodka handles this weekend in memory of the liberal arts college formerly known as Indiana University.

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Pearls Hilton

Pearls Hilton (@PearlsHiltonTSM) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move.

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