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How About The Monster Balls On This Skydiver Who Jumped 25,000 Feet Without A Parachute?

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Saturday night, American professional skydiver, stuntman, and self-proclaimed member of the “Red Bull Air Force,” Luke Aikins, jumped 25,000 feet out of a plane… with no parachute.

From CNN:

Luke Aikins plummeted from 25,000 feet above the desert landscape of California’s Simi Valley without a parachute, landing squarely in a 100 feet x 100 feet, two-tiered net set up to catch him. He nailed the landing at 120 mph — terminal velocity.
Moments before he reached the safety net he did a last-second roll onto his back to land in the right position. Upon landing he remained motionless for a short while, before the net was lowered, and he stood up to embrace his wife.

“I’m here to show you that if we approach it the right way and we test it and we prove that it’s good to go, we can do things that we don’t think are possible,” he told CNN affiliate Q13 Fox.

Sweet Jesus. I did a double back flip off the second deck of a houseboat a week ago and I thought I was having a pretty successful summer.

Watch Aikins mount the air like a firm but gentle lover in this video of his fall:

Aikins is the epitome of (literally) not giving a flying fuck. Honestly, I’m not surprised that he totally stuck the landing. The air resistance from this guy’s massive balls probably slowed him to a gentle cruising speed on the way down.

Aikins is a seasoned skydiver with over 18,000 jumps under his belt, which, from a numbers standpoint, is absolutely ridiculous. I don’t even think I’ve drank 18,000 beers in my life. Aikins has slapped Death in the face with his massive aerodynamic dong that’s weathered the equivalent of over 2 years of constant, unending skydiving if you put around an hour average prep time per jump. He also has several major stunt credits to his name, including Iron Man 3.

I guess what I would say to Aikins right now if I could is, “Thank you for not being Austrian.” When Felix Baumgartner did that sub-space jump in 2012, I had to give those Euros their due. Yes, that country of Arnold Schwarzeneggers have guts, but the clock was ticking for some red-blooded American to ask his friend to hold his beer and do something so much crazier that it might as well be impossible.

Luke Aikins brought the pride back to the USA. Let it never be said that any nation is dumber, more reckless, and more prone to pulling off insane stunts for no reason other than to make God do a double take.

[via CNN]

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Doctor Franzia

*Not qualified to practice medicine*

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