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Through the first two weeks of the MLB playoffs, there has been some hot action. Jake Arrieta did Jake Arrieta things against the Pirates. Joey Bats hit a ball so far that it warranted the greatest bat flip in the history of bat flips. The Astros and Rangers got jinxed by their own state governor, Greg Abbott. And one team will finally break their long streak without a World Series. So yeah, the 2015 MLB playoffs has been must-see TV.
While my eyes were glued to MLB Network over the weekend, something hit me hard. I was mesmerized by a beautiful new sight. It wasn’t a bat flip, a moonshot, or even a bench-clearing brawl. No, in fact, what caught my eye was a little blonde number reporting on the ALDS and ALCS. She stopped me dead in my tracks. I never saw her coming.
There she was, interviewing some members of the Blue Jays. Her peacoat fit snuggly around her petite little body. Her hair was in a ponytail as if to say, “I enjoy a little pull from behind.” It was at that moment that I knew my life had a purpose, and that purpose was Heidi Watney.
Notice the way those steely blue eyes just cut right through you — the way they hypnotize you into making bad decisions. God, she’s perfect. She also has a body that just doesn’t quit, and seems to have that whole “career-oriented” mindset — which is an added bonus. Love me a woman with some goals in life.
In addition to being a baseball fan, she’s the cousin of PGA golfer Nick Watney. The athletic genes flow wildly in her family as her brother played collegiate golf, her sister played collegiate volleyball, and she herself was a gymnast and cheerleader.
Typically, I would go about this in a more professional manner, fire out a “thanks for bringing the fire pics” DM back at her and go about my business, but I can’t bite my tongue on this one. I’m straight up in love with this babe.
Heidi, don’t let your marriage get in the way of rational thinking. When you’re ready, let’s settle down somewhere in North Texas in a gated private country club community or Highland park, raise two kids who turn into all-stars — one who pitches, one who plays second — and enjoy all that the #BurbLife has to offer. You won’t regret it..