Rest easy, Lake Travis High School. You’re off the hook.
“Our frat doesn’t really involve any hazing,” junior Mark Milligan said, “However, whenever we yell the word “frat” coach McGowan makes us all do pushups. But we say frat anyway.”
Yeah, I’m 100% sure that’s Coach McGowan’s way of trying to tell you that you are all acting like a bunch of Johnny High School jackasses. He’s also technically hazing you — even though, of course, he can’t publicly call it what it is — while staying within the confines of normal and traditional high school athletic “conditioning.” Pushups for soccer? Please. You nerds don’t even use your upper bodies. It’s a message that you guys are screwing up, and it’s a message that you clearly are not getting.
Backing up a bit, the junior varsity soccer team at Ames High School in Ames, IA has created a fraternity of sorts, although it would seem they are unaware that “fraternity” is the technical term for it. They prefer to use “frat,” and they use it quite liberally. Their soccer team is now a frat, according to them. To be fair, though, these guys were destined for the frat life. Founding the Ames HS JV soccer chapter was merely a formality for Chris Stoker, Rohan Nayar, and their boys.
“I didn’t choose the frat life, the frat life chose me” senior Rohan Nayar said.
Naturally. We can see your photo up there, gentlemen, and we recognize fratters when we see them. Shades of a future top-tier Exec panel up there is what I’m seeing. When these bros aren’t shredding up the soccer field, they’re throwing outrageous frat parties and preparing for the college frat life with crazy, and borderline dangerous, hazing techniques.
“It has really improved our team chemistry,” Stoker said, “and we also have a whole bunch of crazy frat parties.”
The AHS Soccer Frat has gained notoriety for their insane frat parties.
“When the parties get a little too out of hand someone goes a little too far and yaks,” Milligan said. “Yakking involves a lot of vomiting, the last time someone yakked Trevor Schoenrock (junior) drank six cups of milk and yakked into a cup.”
We’ve all been there, man. Knowing when to push that next glass of 2% away only comes from experience. You guys will learn, if not before college, then very soon after you set foot on a college campus. Speaking of college, imagine the bids that will be coming at these guys from all angles. How many guys can look a rush chair in the eye and tell them, “Yeah, I actually already have some frat experience. No big deal.” Will they rush, though?
“Yes of course I plan on joining a frat in college,” Stoker said. “Our super chill coach Ryan McGowan told us the frat life is the only life.”
It’s possible I gave Coach McGowan a little too much credit earlier.
Unlike the LTHS tank top that I requested and was subsequently gifted by two very nice graduating seniors, I do not want want one of these shirts. I hate these shirts.
The whole article is a must read, and just to show you how ridiculous it is, I took the liberty of highlighting every appearance of the word “frat” in the write-up:
[via The Ames High Web]