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High School Fratstar’s Semester Wrapup: The Final Countdown

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In case you missed the first segment in the High School Fratstar saga, check it out here

It’s been a long semester full of Bud Light slim can shotgunning, college town touring and general High School Frat insanity, but I’m back mother fruckers ready to give a report from my final semester living the THSFM life.

First off, our basketball team made the regional semis, so you better believe me and my pledge bros (Class of 2012 baby!) tailgaited that shit so hard the SEC would be jealous.

I’ve never been to a game, but i don’t think they have shit on all FOUR cases of Mikes Harder we got our friend Tommy the Crackhead to pick up for us. Jacobs went so hard they carried him out on a stretcher. I think it was just frat karma for him geeding out and trying to grind on his longboard down the bleacher rail. When he comes out of that coma I’m gonna give him so much shit for being NF.

And who can forget the craziest night of High School, PROM BITCHES, #YOLO. By far the craziest night yet, I don’t know what frat mixers are like but if they’re 1% as crazy as that I’ll be happy.

First off, my date. Slampiece doesn’t even do her justice. Banging blonde from the Lacrosse team with perky B-cups on deck. Great head too, I could only last like two minutes. Half as long as usual!

Anyway, back to PromRagefest 2k12. First off we took pictures at Loose Lacey’s parents’ place, but I was sipping a flask full of Franzia the whole time so I barely remember. Regardless, I was looking sick. I had my Mom call like, 80 tux rental places before she found the Seersucker one I wanted. She had to pay like $100 to get it
shipped but I looked like the Frat Godfather so I’m TFTC.

Once we all posted up in the stretch Frathoe, it was smooth sailing. Lacey’s parents put a bunch of sparkling cider bottles in the limo as a joke, so naturally we mixed four different bottles of tequila and whiskey from our parent’s liquor cabinets. Kind of tasted like an old wooden barrel full of spoiled butter, but I better get used to that shit before pledging.

Once we got there, I had to pull the old Puke & Rally a few times before I was good to go. My date was pissed, but I reassured her by telling her she doesn’t need to go anywhere near my vomit tainted mouth to blow me. She stopped talking to me so I think she got the point.

I thought I was pretty sober at this point, all those times I fell I’m pretty sure I got tripped, but the Dean sure as fuck wasn’t happy to see me. He asked me a shit ton of hard questions like “What’s your name again?” and “Have you had anything to drink tonight?” I got in no problem after Dean Douchefuck’s pop quiz and proceeded to cockslap every single Junior on the dance floor while their white-tuxed geed dates just sat their and watched. They announced all the Prom King BS too, but I was way TFTC to run for something gay like that.

Can’t really remember the rest of the night, but judging by the yellow and red splotches all over my tux I had a damn good time. I’ve heard a few stories, like me running around the banquet hall ripping decorations off the wall screaming “TEAM DORN, MOTHERFUCKERS!” but I can’t be sure if that’s true.

My last night of raging before my true Total Frat Life begins was a total success. I can’t wait to tell all the bros during Rush about how sick it was.

Once they hear about it, they’ll probably make me Pledge Class President right off the bat. Might even make me the actual President since I’m so chill. Pledging is gonna be a breeze.

Graduation is next week, and we’re gonna celebrate by drinking in a parking lot every day before school these last few weeks. Might even try to score that hot Pre-Calc teacher’s number, since she’s been eye fucking me all semester and all. Wish me luck.

Follow me all summer as I decide which university I will rage at in the Fall @HS_Fratstar

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StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments.

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