======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Last week, I shared a concerned teacher’s stories about his obnoxious high school frat star students with the world. Well, the very same teacher called into our hotline with some more high school frat star updates. It seems like teach is in such emotional disarray from this whole ordeal that he’s been hitting the bottle lately, causing some of his voicemails to turn into drunken rants. Here are the best ones, with the high school frat move numbering system continued on from the first round of updates.
10. Upperclassmen were running around the cafeteria hazing freshmen by making them tie their Sperrys.
As far as these updates go, this is at least one I could see happening without the influence of fraternities. After all, high school hazing has always been a thing. The fact that it’s specifically involving Sperrys, though? God damnit.
11. Kids are holding a competition to see who can make their Sperrys smell the worst. Some kids are even rubbing mayonnaise packets on their feet during lunch to up the stank.
Are you fucking kidding me? Rubbing mayo on your feet in an effort to get your Sperrys to smell like rotten eggs? What the hell is wrong with you nematodes? Sperry stink is not a desirable condition that you work towards; it’s just something that happens. COME ON!
12. Kids are getting the Vineyard Vines, Brooks Brothers, and other logos tattooed on their chests.
As the teacher points out in his voicemail, it is cheaper than actually buying one of the shirts. Still dumb as fuck, though.
14. Kids are refusing to drink out of cans at school unless they have a koozie.
Because there’s nothing worse than an only slightly cold can of Hawaiian Punch, eh? Be right back, gonna go punch a cinder block wall.
15. A student got a fraternity-style ankle tattoo with the high school’s initials.
WHY??? DEAR GOD WHY??? I mean, how can that be considered frat? If he ever wants to get an actual frat tat, the real estate’s already taken up by this lame-ass high school ink. Just an incredible lack of foresight.
16. A kid is building the school a frat bench as a community service project.
I’m running out of things to say about these morons. If I was this teacher, I’d drink myself into oblivion, too..
We answer the best questions sent in through our hotline on the Inside TFM Podcast. Call in (800-392-6344) and you might be featured (or maybe we’ll write a piece on you like we did for this teacher). Listen to this week’s episode here: