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Google Maps Listed The Alabama DZ House As a Chick-fil-A And It’s Confusing Freshmen

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Picture this: You just finished your first week of college classes and all you want is food, beer, and a nap. Being an innocent freshman, the only means you have of finding a way around your new home is a smartphone with GPS. It’s a big campus, so you quickly find yourself lost among towering mansions and perfectly kept yards. Not one to be intimidated by the finer things in life, you press on. Suddenly, you see a light in the distance. Your phone is telling you that, between the columns and ivy, there lies a Chick-fil-A just begging to be visited. Blinded by hunger and nerves, you leap up the steps of the biggest chicken joint you’ve ever seen and open the door, only to be greeted by the gasps of a shocked sorority. That was the case at the University of Alabama, where apparently the Delta Zeta house is masquerading as a house of God and chicken.

Google Maps are such an undependable medium for navigation. You could get a “turn left in 100 feet” notification only to drive your car straight off a cliff. Sometimes though, those eggheads at Google are looking out for their fellow man. Real mack move for a freshman to take advantage of it. I know this is the state of Alabama we’re talking about, but there’s no way anyone can confuse Greek letters with the blessed red and white logo of Chick-fil-A. The “C” looks like a fucking rooster for crying out loud. Our dude was just lost on Greek Row and saw his window. Give a guy a shot at some premium breast meats and he’s taking it nine times out of ten, especially when the ice-breaker is something as great as “where’s the chicken at?” If he plays his cards right he’ll be receiving a peanut oil massage in no time. I’m sure it wouldn’t be the first time Google gave someone a little physical release, but it would damn sure be the best.

As for Delta Zeta, they’re dealing with a serious game changer. Everyone knows the ladies love nuggets, so the first house rushees will want to visit is one disguised as a place that provides them. Supply the newcomers with a party platter of nuggets and some white zinfandel, and you’ve got your pick of the litter before the other sororities can even get their faces on. It’s a textbook fishing with dynamite situation that’s just begging to be capitalized on. Google and Jesus are on your side DZ, and the last thing you want to do is let them down. Seize the day, ladies.

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Karl Karlson

Karl Karlson is TFM's self-proclaimed cartoon expert and your best buddy. He resides in Eastern NC where he spends his time roasting pigs and attempting to grow a beard. Karl enjoys drinking on elevated surfaces and rapping on podcasts.

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