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Google Creates an “Artificial Brain”

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Google is responsible for some of the world’s most revolutionary concepts, services, and products. From the search engine to a car that drives itself and takes pictures of your front door, Google is always on the cutting edge of technology. A Google team, led by Dr Jeff Dean, designed an artificial “neural network” of 16,000 processors utilizing more than a billion connections. It is a solid attempt at an artificial brain, which will no doubt be of interest to terminators returning from the future to destroy SKYNET.

The team designed it to learn by itself and crammed it with images from over 10 million random YouTube videos. Then they connected it to the Internet to see what it would do. Much to no one’s surprise, it immediately started watching videos of cats. It’s no secret that cats control the Internet, so obviously an artificial brain would go straight to the source.

‘We never told it during the training, ‘This is a cat,” said Dr. Dean. ‘It basically invented the concept of a cat.’

The two most popular things on the Internet are cats and porn. I don’t think Google did the “brain” justice by limiting it to YouTube videos. YouTube’s privacy policy ensures that cats doing dumb shit hold complete dominion. If Google’s brain were exposed to the Internet at large, I have no doubt that it would focus on pussy and not pussycats. Also, addicting A.I. machines to porn might be humanity’s only hope of avoiding our impending steely death. Either that or it’s time to bust out the lightning guns.

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RageTheory (@RageTheory) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move. He enjoys long walks of whiskey and sodomy on the beach.

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