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Goofus & Gallant: Fraternity Edition Part 2

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Goofus & Gallant: Fraternity Edition Part 2

If you’ve spent any amount of time in a waiting room, you’re familiar with the Highlights for Kids classic feature, “Goofus & Gallant.” The comic strip features two young men who are entangled in scenarios that required some type of difficult choice. Goofus always chooses to be an idiot, while Gallant is the sparkling example of a gentleman.

Goofus and Gallant both handle different scenarios in fraternity life a bit differently. If you haven’t already, read Part I here.

Goofus is on academic probation after spending too much time with his drug dealer.
Gallant is on the Dean’s List after spending too much time with his Adderall dealer.

Goofus had a pregnancy scare.
Gallant always provides a breakfast of Plan B omelettes.

Goofus disrupts chapter.
Gallant restores order.

Goofus chews Kayak green apple.
Gallant chews Big Chief.

Goofus struck out in an intramural softball game.
Gallant got kicked out of an intramural softball game.

Goofus got his truck stuck in the mud.
Gallant’s truck pulled Goofus’s truck out of the mud.

Goofus always has dirty clothes.
Gallant never does his own laundry.

Goofus passed out at the bar during Mom’s Weekend.
Gallant was the hit of Mom’s Weekend.

Goofus didn’t get into business school.
Gallant’s handshake got him into business school.

Goofus breaks into the house kitchen and makes a mess.
Gallant orders pizza and makes the pledges to clean the mess up.

Goofus got too drunk and ruined a big rush dinner.
Gallant got every kid laid after the big rush dinner.

Goofus’s date bailed on him the night before formal.
Gallant had a Bachelor-style competition to determine his date for formal.

Goofus tried selling drugs out of the house.
Gallant does drugs in the safety of his own room, with the door padlocked and music turned up loud.

Goofus got caught defacing a campus landmark.
Gallant got a campus landmark in his honor.

Goofus pees into the pool.
Gallant pees in the pool.

Goofus tries to start fights at the bar.
Gallant makes drunk friends at the bar.

Goofus works at Margaritaville.
Gallant went to Key West.

Goofus flunked out.
Gallant took a victory lap.


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The Champions Tour is a writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems. If you don't know who he is, just ask your older sister about him.

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