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The PGA Championship is dominating the golf world right now, but not rightfully so. Rather than all eyes being on Baltusrol and the “enthralling” 4-under shootout going on between the always entertaining Emiliano Grillo and ambassador of the sport Ross Fisher (watch out, guys, John “The Thunder From Down Under” Senden is on the move!), we should all be literally and metaphorically sucking the dick of German golfer Stephan Jaeger.
From Golf Digest:
Stephan Jaeger opened with a 12-under 58 Thursday at TPC Stonebrae, recording the lowest score ever shot in a regulation PGA Tour-sanctioned tournament.
“Everything went well. I was driving the ball well. I was making everything. I got the good breaks,” said Jaeger, a 27-year-old native of Germany playing his third season on the developmental tour. “Even the bad shots you’d get a good bounce and have 15 feet and make that. It was just a blackout round, it really was. Those don’t happen too often.”
Here’s the putt he sank to lock down the record for lowest-ever round on either the PGA Tour, Champions Tour, or Web.com Tour.
A 58. A fucking 58. I’m pretty sure I went a whole year of my life never breaking 58 on a 9, and this sweet kraut just did it over 18? I’d quit playing golf right now if I wasn’t so sexually thrilled by the cloak of shame that comes with wormburning a tee shot into the woods in front of three other people. Gosh, I’m getting all horned up just thinking about it. The only other tournament round of 58 on a major tour was shot by Ryo Ishikawa on the Japanese tour, which I just found out is a real golf tour and not the name of a sushi sampler.
Back-to-back 29s? Yeah, I did that the last time I went golfing, too — 29 on 14, 29 on 15 (who puts water right in the middle of the fairway? It’s like they want me to hit into it or something).
Let’s all shut up about the PGA Championship for a few minutes and give Stephan Jaeger a big “prosit!” This is an impressive accomplishment for a guy with over 1/7 as many Twitter followers as me. Consider yourself followed, Jaegermeister.
Now please follow me back..
[via Golf Digest]
Image via Twitter