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Goldman Sachs Elevator: Best of January

An anonymous career banker inside Goldman Sachs opened a twitter account (@GSElevator) with the intention of revealing the hilarious banter that takes place in the privacy of the GS elevators. Since then, the account has evolved to include things overheard on trading floors, bullpens, lobbies and bars. Some of the conversations involve more than one person, and the participants are distinguishable by their number (#1, #2, #3). Here are some of my favorites from January…

#1: Some chick asked me what I would do with 10 million bucks. I told her I’d wonder where the rest of my money went.

#1: Hey, do you have change for a $20?
#2: $20’s are change, bro.

#1: I feel like this economy has really hit the average-looking girls the hardest.

#1: The fact that most people are too stupid to know how dumb they really are is the fabric holding our society together.

#1: I wear a brand new pair of socks every day. That’s probably my only indulgence. That, and watches… And wine.

Skirt #1: Whenever I get stressed, I go shoe shopping. [exits].
Suit #1 (to Suit #2): Obviously not for running shoes.

#1: We’re all God’s children. Some of us just deserve a higher allowance.

#1: Spent last night pouring champagne, feeding her dessert, & telling stories of my trip to Bhutan. I’ve never been to Bhutan.

#1: We’re like Ron Jeremy. We work hard, people are disgusted by us, but most guys are jealous of what we’ve got.

#1: Socialites are just bottom-feeders with money.
#2: They do give mean head though.

#1: Every unemployed asshole in a bathrobe with a Bloomberg free trial calls himself a hedge fund these days.
#2: Morningwood Capital.

#1: Lately, I don’t even call it a hangover anymore. Its just the morning.

#1: One day, I hope I’m rich enough to become a Democrat.

#1: My wife thinks alcoholism is totally acceptable as long as she calls it ‘brunch’ and does yoga first.

#1: Haircuts are the ultimate economic indicator. In bad times, it’s every 8 weeks. In good, it’s every 6.
#2: I go every 3 weeks.

#1: Affirmative action doesn’t bother me. It’s not like I could have done much better than Harvard and Goldman Sachs.

#1: If you’re not first in line, you’re smelling someone else’s ass.

#1: He mentioned his dad dying at least 3 times during the interview.
#2: What the fuck. This isn’t American Idol.

#1: An AOL email address is like a green Amex.

#1: Fat chicks that still go to the gym every single day would make great inner city school teachers.

#1: My only real concern about Romney is that he doesn’t drink. How can we trust him?

#1: Chivalry is letting the chick still in your bed sleep in, then giving the doorman $100 to go kick her out in an hour.

#1: if you have a job where you have to wear a nametag, nobody gives a shit what your name is.

#1: It’s sweet how my wife thinks the silent treatment is a punishment for me.

#1: The difference between us and everybody else is that, even in a bad year, we still make the playoffs.

For more entertaining banter follow @GSElevator on twitter.

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