Giving A Girl A Lavalier Is The Worst Idea Ever

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Giving A Girl A Lavalier Is The Worst Idea Ever

Most college girls aren’t looking for a ring by spring. Some even run from the jewelry store like an Olympic sprinter runs away from the starting line. But many a girlfriend of the fraternity man has hoped, dreamed, and painted coolers, with one thing on their mind: his letters. A lavalier is the collegiate equivalent of being wifed up, but comes without the genuine responsibility of an engagement or marriage, and giving one to a girl is a terrible, terrible mistake.

Lavaliers are the same level of stupid as a promise ring. If you are truly and genuinely committed to the person, why wouldn’t you just propose? Oh, you’re not ready for that kind of commitment? Then why the hell are you giving them a piece of jewelry that represents commitment? Just, don’t. Save yourself a hell of a lot of trouble and just don’t. If you still need more convincing, read on, my foolish friend.

Giving a girl a lavalier is about the same as giving the lettered shirt off your back to some guy on the street because you think he’s an alright guy, no more than two minutes after meeting him. This person hasn’t earned the privilege of wearing the letters that you worked for and struggled for, but they get to wear them anyway. They are not accountable because they are not actually members, and yet they now represent your organization. They won’t treat your letters the same way you would because they were gifted them; they didn’t earn them.

Even if you don’t care that much about the reputation of your letters, think about what your letters have given you. Think about all of the hardships you endured and triumphed over during pledging. Think about all of the drunk adventures you can barely remember, but you know are some of the greatest times you’ll ever have in your life. Think of all the memories you have because of your letters. If and when your girl goes psycho, she will taint all of those memories. The formals you raged at, you happened to only take pictures with her. Your friends are now her friends, and some of them might like her more than they like you. Once you give a girl that one special necklace, you’re risking her ruining the best memories of your college career. And what if you give them to the wrong girl? Do you lavalier the next girl you fall in love with? Do you ask for the necklace back after the breakup?

If she actually aspires to having your letters around her neck, then she’s already wrong. A lavalier should be a gift from you, not something that she strives for, and not an expectation or a stepping stone in the relationship. She’s already involved in your life with every formal, every night of Netflix and chill, and every Chipotle dinner. Keep your letters to yourself, because sometimes you just need something in your life that’s all your own. Why would you want to give that up?

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Not So Sweetheart

The most rational, reasonable, and riotous girl you'll ever meet.

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