Current Events

Give a Care, Squeeze a Pair

AIDS–a destructive virus spawned from the Great Monkey-Fuck War of 1981–has killed millions of people and continues to affect millions of others. Currently no cure has been found, probably because nobody gives a shit about AIDS. But Japan has found an innovative way to spark interest in finding a cure, and dammit it’s an incredible idea:

All money raised at the charity breast squeeze benefitted STOP!AIDS, an organization aimed at promoting AIDS awareness, treatment and prevention. It is unaffiliated with the Stop AIDS Project that is run by the San Francisco AIDS Foundation.

After making a donation and sanitizing their hands, participants over the age of 18 were allowed to squeeze the breasts of one of 10 Japanese adult video actresses, according to Rocket News 24. A limit of two squeezes per hand were allowed: If donors felt like copping another feel, they had to give again.

Charity breast squeeze? It really wouldn’t matter what the charity was for, I’d probably contribute. And you’re morally off the hook, because it’s charity right? How could anything done in the name of charity be a sin? Fuck the two-squeeze-per-donation though.

Seriously, what better way to raise awareness and money for a cause nobody cares about than by offering a pair o’ beefers to fondle? The potential of such charity events held in a country like the good ol’ US of A is enough to make my fingers tingle. Just imagine Boob Squeezes for Breast Cancer, Finger-Blasts for HPV, Ass-Grabs for Diabetes.

All in the name of charity.

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