Girls Tell All: What’s The Worst Pickup Line You’ve Ever Heard?

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Girls Tell All

As the curator of the Pulitzer Prize-deserving Ridiculous Tinder Pickup Lines series, I’ve sorted through thousands upon thousands of pickup lines. The good, the bad, and the bizarre… from #BUTTSTUFF2014 to #BUTTSTUFF2016, I’ve seen it all.

Do you know who else has heard it all? Pretty much every girl, as they are reminded daily via pickup lines, awkward conversations, etc., that they have a hole some man wants to fill. So I decided to go right to the source to see what 16 girls’ worst pickup line experience has been.

Ladies, what’s the worst pickup line that’s ever been used on you?

A guy literally came up to me and was like,”My anaconda don’t…take no for an answer.” – Kellie Stritz

“I won’t put it in your butt, I swear.” I wasn’t worried, and then all of a sudden all I could think about was the safety and wellbeing of my asshole. – Ali Hinman

“I’m trying to have the perfect weekend. Want to be the third and final girl?” I sincerely hope that wasn’t the line that got the other two girls to jump in bed with him. – Rachel Page

On Tinder, “Hey.” This is the beginning to every text conversation I ever had in middle school. “Hey. Hey! What’s up? Nothing, you? Nothing much.” *scene* I’m never going to respond to “hey.” In real life, “Nice ass, can I grab it?” Yeah it’s nice, but unless you’re a 10, I’m definitely creeped out by you now. – PlattyBlonde

“Wanna Fuck?” I don’t know when the hell that became a line used to persuade a girl to potentially let you in her pants, but it’s gotta stop. It’s not scoring you any points and, if anything, hearing that line forces me to resist the urge to smack you across the face. You might not have any intentions of making “us” a long-term thing, but it you want me to at least pause on taking another sip of my drink to make eye contact with you, please be a little more creative. – Blonde_boozy

On a TFM column, some commenter said “I’d scalp the beaver pelt on that Pocahontas looking female intern any day.” I’m Mexican, not Native American. – Cristina Montemayor

I was working one day, and a guy told me he was in a scavenger hunt and needed to get my number. Believe me when I say that I worked in a place that would not have that type of scavenger hunt going on. Pro-tip: don’t be a creep, and don’t try to hit on me while I’m doing my job. – PSLsandPearls

A guy once walked up to me, started stammering, and then turned bright red, turned around and ran away. Thank you for trying? – Shannon Layne

I can’t think of any one specifically, but I know all of them somehow involved my boobs. Yes, I know they are big, and yes, I dress to emphasize them when I go out, but if the most creative thing you can think of references the most obvious part of me, I’m going to doubt your creativity in other areas as well, and I’m not looking for someone that vanilla. – 2NOTbrokegirls

I was on vacation in London and some tool said “I think we should explore international relations back at my flat.” Not even his British accent could save him from such a terrible line. – ChampagneShowers

Nothing makes me want to put my freshly manicured hand through a deli meat slicer more than when I hear “So… what’s your story?” Like really? Is that really all you learned after 4+ years studying digital photography at some state-sponsored art institute in upstate New York? – Drunk but not in love

If you tell me to smile I will use the straw in my drink to gouge your eyes out. Never. Ever. Tell. A. Girl. To. Smile. It is not cute, it is not funny, and it will make me hate you immediately. – Kayla Haby

I was in line for the self checkout at the grocery store and this stinky hobo motherfucker has the balls to tell me, “Excuse me miss, I think you dropped something… my jaw.” – Lucky Jo

“I like the color of your fingernails.” Tbh, I think I gave him a middle school, over-the-pants handy, but still. Not ideal. – Rachel Varina

“I feel like most of the things you say are just copied and pasted from people’s tinder bios” :/ – Anonymous

“Hey, what are you willing to do for $50?” This happened when I was 16. – Blue-eyed-blondie

Still better than that “how much does a polar bear weigh?” bullshit.

Check out the previous Girls Tell All topics:

Thoughts On Manscaping

What Makes You Attracted To A Guy?

What Makes A Guy Unattractive?

Are You Looking For A Bad Boy?

What Causes You To Friend Zone A Guy?

What’s Your Favorite Thing About Frat Guys?

What’s Your Least Favorite Thing About Frat Guys?

What Hints Do Guys Never Pick Up On?

Does Size Matter?

What Do You Wish More Guys Would Do In Bed?

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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