Girls Should Be Required To Shower And Shave Before A Guy Goes Down On Them

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I’ll be straight up honest with you folks. I am now in a full-blown relationship. Maybe it’s a stepping stone to adulthood or some shit. We’ve been going strong for a few months now and the sex couldn’t be better, in my opinion. She keeps things nice and tidy down there which makes for a good experience for when I’m going clam fishing with my face. However, recently she has started to deprive her vagina of the proper trim and sometimes does not shower before asking me to take the plunge. It should go without saying, but, girls, if you expect a man to go down on you with some sort of vigor and dedication to get the job done, then you need to keep things tidy. That means a thorough washing and some trimming.

Let’s start with the glaring problem here: the washing. I know girls don’t shower every day. I get that. Their hair takes too long to dry or some bullshit — I dunno. But let’s be realistic here: everyone sweats. Your body gets dirty, especially where the sun don’t shine. Imagine for a second that your man had been cruising around town for two days since his last shower and called you over for a quickie. You’d begrudgingly go down on him despite his junk smelling like a week-old used jock strap?

That’s just vile. And that’s just what it’s like taking a tongue to a vagina that hasn’t seen a loofa in over 12 hours.

What about the trimming part? I don’t need your vagina to be as smooth as a baby’s bottom, but I just don’t want to be staring down at the Amazon Forest of pubic hair while trying to navigate my way through there, bushwhacking with my man machete. I don’t have a flashlight and I might end up taking a wrong turn.

It’s not just the fact that a full bush makes it harder to actually get in there, but also having to deal with all those hairs in your mouth. That disgusted feeling you get when you scoop out a dog’s hair from your meal? Take that feeling and multiply it by 1,000 to get what it’s like to have to pick out a pubic hair from your teeth.

So keep your hygiene in check, ladies. Not only will your man be more likely to go down on you, he might actually enjoy it. Shower every day you plan on getting some, and don’t let the wild thing grow.

All that being said, if I’m blackout drunk, I really won’t give a fuck what it’s like down there.

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The Therapist

Not a licensed therapist, but that doesn't stop me anyway.

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