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When all else fails and your game is completely off, try a pickup line.
Usually, you’ll get an eye roll and a cold shoulder. But occasionally you might score with a girl who either has a great sense of humor or feels so bad for you, she is willing to sleep with you as a form of community service. But hey, that’s still consensual sex in my book. And consensual sex is always a win.
Some random girls shared the worst pick up lines guys have tried on them in the past, and grab a pen and a notebook, boys, because you need to keep some of these in your arsenal.
(Tall) guy looked me (tall girl) up and down then drawled “Couple-a tall timbers like you and me could really start a forest fire.” He was henceforth known as Tall Timbers.
If you were a fruit, you’d be a fineapple. He said it out of the blue and I burst out laughing.
Bad wordplay can lead to great sex.
I told a guy I liked his shirt. He said ‘it will look better on you when you wake up wearing it tomorrow.’
Pay attention, boys. This is the gold standard.
“Hey, I like your shirt.”
*Proceeds to take off shirt* “You want it?”
Works every time.
‘Could you hold this for me? *holds hand*
This one seems like it could easily backfire. You can probably get charged with assault if you hold someone’s hand without their permission these days.
I don’t know if this counts, but a guy’s Tinder bio had “times new Roman in the streets, wingding in the sheets” and me, being a graphic designer, thought it was fucking hilarious and I swiped right.
He wasn’t kidding, either.
Ah, font humor. Is there anything funnier?
My husband and I were friends for about 6 months before we started dating. He used to regularly ask me “Have you heard of snu?” and I’d say “No”. Every time (probably for the first 10x), he’d just shake his head and change the subject. One time he asked again and I finally answered “correctly”. I yelled “what’s snu!” He says “I really like you, but by the time you finally got my joke it isn’t new.”
If you’re stupid like I am, the joke is supposed to go like this: “Hey, have you heard of snu?” “No, what’s snu?” “Nothing much. What’s new with you?”
Not a pickup line, but one night I was hooking up with this girl I told this joke:
A man walks into a library, goes straight up to the librarian and says “Can I have a hamburger?”
The librarian looks at the man with confusion, and replies “Excuse me sir, but this is a library.”
“Oh I’m sorry,” the man says, looking embarrassed. He leans in and whispers in a low voice: “Can I have a hamburger?”
We’re married now so I guess it worked out.
I imagine he told this joke in between thrusts.
Not a girl and not really a pick up line, but I’ll always be amazed that this worked.
I was talking to a very attractive girl at a bar a year or two back and I asked her what the most random fact she knew was. she couldn’t come up with anything so she asked me instead. I told her that the guy who invented the Segway died after his own Segway drove him off a cliff. She said “What? Really?” to which I responded “yeah, true story. And speaking of bad segues, wanna go back to my place?” My pickup skills peaked that night.
Pocketing this one for later.
One time as I rounded a corner I ran smack into some dude….. As in bounce-off-each-other. I was all confused and embarrassed, and as I backed up I stammered,”I’m sorry!”
He stepped back also, and after looking me up and down he said, grinning, “you’re not sorry…you’re FINE!”
It definitely made me laugh.
Good excuse to accidentally run into women.
I’m a dude but the one and only pickup line I’ve used has worked.
Went straight from a restaurant for dinner to a bar. At dinner, they had a bunch of Hershey kisses at the buffet line. So I had a couple.
Was talking to a girl in the bar and remember some dumb internet post about it so I decided to go for it.
I asked her straight up: “Do you want a kiss?” and she said “do you?”. I told her I already had one or two I’m ok for now. She looked disappointed or creeped out or some face idk. So I pull one out of my pocket and give it to her. She started laughing a smiling like an idiot. Got a real kiss after that.
The guy at the bar with the most Hersheys Kisses in his pocket always gets the most kisses on his dick.
A friend of a friend was out and sees the typical girl duo, smoking hot and below average. This guy, taking my friends advice, goes for the below average girl. Anyway, things are really going well and she asks ‘why didn’t you go for my pretty friend?’ His response: ‘well it’s all pink on the inside’. Dude got a slap for that.
It’s the inside that counts.
Watched my friend successfully use: “hey baby, are you an avocado? Because you’re the right kind of fat and probably disgusting on the inside”
This guy tried telling me he had a magic watch, a watch that could tell me what color panties I was wearing. Of course I knew he was feeding me a line but I played along because I thought he was cute. I asked him what his magical watch was saying. He proceeded to tap the face of the watch and say his watch must be fast because it is saying that I don’t have any panties on.
*Points at crotch* You gonna eat that?
“Want to meet my dog?”
That dog is fucking adorable, so obviously.
Then I got to witness him successfully use the exact same line on another girl three days later.
I’m assuming he’s found that dog to be a great investment.
Dogs are great fucking investments.
I actually asked out my current girlfriend using a shitty pickup line.
“Hey, do you have any raisins?”
“Then how about a date?”
That’s truly awful.
asked a guy i had been seeing what he was up to, he said “laying in my bed, you should try it some time.”
we live together now.
Money in the bank.
Was over at a friend’s house watching Harry Potter and somehow we got to a point in the conversation where I said “I really, really loved Popsicles as a kid.”
Which leads to the smooth pick up line of “We can pretend my cock is a popsicle”, and then he just pulled down his pants right in the middle of his parents living room…didn’t know what to do so I just went with it.
Ended up dating for awhile
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