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The orders are in, and the boxes are out. It’s girl scout cookie season. The boxes have gotten a much-needed makeover, but whatever happened to the girls who use to smile at us enticing us to buy one more box, and eat one more sleeve? The answers may surprise you.
Peanut Butter Sandwich Brittany was always really connected with the animals. She was an outdoorsy girl who went camping with her troop and could rock a campfire. When she got to college, you could always find her at the bonfires making friends with the frat hound. Her halloween costumes encompassed the entire animal kingdom, but she really came into her own as a bunny. She loved scampering around in stockings so much, she decided to make it a career and has been a headliner at a small town gentleman’s club in western Pennsylvania for several years now despite insisting to her family it’s just a temporary gig. She finds a way to post throwback photos every day of the week because she wants everyone to remember her for her glory days of being a college student instead of a dropout.
Sam Samoa was never afraid of being called a tomboy. From kickball to video games, she ran with the boys up until puberty hit. And boy did it hit. The boys started to treat her differently, and she was the first of her friends to wear a real bra, but she never put together that the two were linked. Nowadays she’s found her place in girl-world with her sorority, but really shines as a frat rat. She has more rush shirts than most of the brothers, and wears their letters more than her own. She’s gunning for sweetheart at this year’s formal, but she stands a strong chance to lose it because most of the brothers think she already is one.
The Shortbread girls Erin and Jean were as vanilla and plain as the cookie and their names. They were best friends with no outrageous fights throughout their life, got outstanding grades, and went to college together. Freshmen roommates, rush buddies, and eventually pledge sisters, these girls never left each other’s sides. Consequently, they both went a little extra wild together when the college experience opened its welcoming, alcohol-fueled arms to them. Like something out of their father’s nightmares, they traded their respectable sweaters for crop tops and nude colored lip gloss for lipstick redder than the stripes of the American flag they posed for pictures with as kids. They blow their sisters out of the water with costumes because they are unabashedly aware of exactly how well they rock lingerie as a costume. Their sisters don’t mind because it gets them socials with all of the top houses on campus.
The Peanut Butter Patties were hit by the freshman 15 so hard it was a freshman 25. They went to separate schools, and they were all dropped from recruitment after the first day. They showed up to every fraternity party hoping to connect with Greek life, and would do just about anything to fit in and get attention. From the trashy, to the raunchy, to the downright dirty. Long since graduated, they are each mothers in lower-middle-class towns across the south. The had hoped moving there would bring them closer to the culture they longed to be a part of in college, but their failure to marry rich has made them even bigger try-hards than they ever were back in the day.
The Thin Mint bunch went their separate ways after many of them moved away, disbanding the troop. They kept in touch and recently reunited on spring break when all of their respective colleges shared a weekend off. They clearly either became immune to the temptation of their own cookies or absolutely kill it in the gym because these girls undeniably slayed in Cabo in just two days time. All freshmen and sophomores, the old troopmates had the energy and motivation to make the most of their time south of the border. Their liquor of choice was naturally tequila, and based on the resulting behavior these girls have bright college careers ahead of them so long as the liquor flows and they can find an elevated surface to dance on..
All the girls in this article are fictitious and the present photos come from our stock images.