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Germany Goes Back To Conducting Fucked Up Experiments, Brings Back Ancient Plague

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Scientist in Germany have pretty much declared war on the world after reconstructing the genome of an ancient plague that was responsible for the death of 25 million people 1,500 years ago.


The pandemic, which was called the Justinian Plague after the sixth-century Byzantine emperor Justinian I, lasted to the mid-eighth century.

Now, researchers in Germany have sequenced the genome of the Y. pestis strain that they believe caused the Justinian Plague but hasn’t been seen since, according to a new study published in the journal Molecular Biology and Evolution on Tuesday.

I’m sorry, what? You’re bringing back the super bug that whipped out the entire planet and then mysteriously disappeared from existence in the eighth century?

“This study provides a better understanding of the history and the biology of the disease,” said Michal Feldman, a researcher at the Max Planck Institute and the University of Tubingen in Germany, who served as first author of the study.

“We still do not know why the Justinian plague suddenly vanished.”

You couldn’t just let it stay dead, could you? The bar was pretty high when it came to fucked up experiments in Germany, but you somehow found a way to raise it. You have murdered us all, you son of a bitch.

This is it, you guys. This is how we all go down. The Nazis were playing the long con right in front of our eyes, and we walked willingly right into their trap. This is their final solution. It wasn’t Wilhelm or Hitler that was the world’s demise, but some lab rat named Feldman.

I’ll get the cart ready.

[via CNN]

Image via Shutterstock

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Dan Regester

Dan Regester @Dan_Regester is a Senior Writer, Podcast Host, and Video Guy for Grandex Media. He's Delco trash to the core and a UCF cinema studies graduate because he never got around to applying to an actual film school. Dan is a gambling man, crypto investor, and procrastinator. He enjoys long walks to the water fountain between bench press sets and is not a fan of the homeless, the elderly, or the Phoenix Airport. Email tips to

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