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Fuck You, Lulu

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Screen shot 2013-05-07 at 6.53.35 PM

    Image via Lulu

I recently became aware of a new app named Lulu, which is fashioned in much the same manner as Tinder, except it’s exclusively for women. Lulu rates and ranks men around the world, just as long as they have a Facebook profile. I’ll get this out from the start: I fucking hate this application and so should you.

The woman searches for the man and adds him to the application’s database. You have no choice in the matter, and you are not alerted in anyway that you are now fair game to be reviewed and gawked over by any woman capable of using a mobile device. First date? Yeah. She already knows all about your habits, what you like, and how you are in bed.

The Problem

If you aren’t already clear on why this is a problem, I’ll help you out. EVERY woman can see this application, and you CAN’T. The only thing the man can see is his biography and that he indeed exists on the system. The only way to see if you’re on there is to download the app and log in with your Facebook profile, which puts you on the grid anyway.

There is no such thing as privacy with this application. It allows women to tag men with little hashtags like #greathair, #adventurous, #alwayspays, #gonebymorning (TFM). To be fair, one woman’s review can’t destroy your reputation, as the women can agree or disagree with every other one of your slams’ appraisals of you.

However, when it comes to discussing how you are in bed, at best, it’s a breach of privacy, and at worst, blatant sexual harassment on a worldwide scale. I don’t care if every woman that I take back to the house thinks I’m some sort of sexual god (they don’t, I’m pretty goddamn selfish), they should probably shut the hell up about it. Tell your friends, sure. I’m pretty sure I struck out with them as soon as we hooked up anyway. Plus, men don’t go around on Twitter telling everyone and their mother about some chick they just hooked up with, so what gives them the right to do so?

I’ll stress this again: you can’t know you have a profile without using a girl’s app to find yourself, and only then can you read your reviews. The only reason I was even made aware of it was that my girlfriend found me on there and proceeded to tell me all about myself from the prospective of a girl that listed herself as a “hookup” (she gave me a 2 for commitment. TFM?). So it seems like us men really can’t do anything about this, right? Wrong.

The Solution

This article gives an out for us innocent-ish males. Allegedly, the only way to remove yourself from Lulu is to send them your Facebook username and a picture of a bank statement that proves it’s your profile.

I decided against that and sent them my username with a heated email, and that seemed to work just fine. It probably didn’t even need to be heated, but after reading the cunt-punting email, I felt like I just had to.


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