It’s late August, and for a bunch of angsty teens, that means it’s time to move into the new dorm room with a stranger.
For those of you who didn’t do random your freshman year and instead chose to live with a friend you knew, consider these stories validation for your decision. Sometimes rooming with a stranger is the foundation for a lifelong friendship. Most of the time, it’s a disaster.
Here are 21 prime examples of the nightmare that is freshman dorm-living. This is what college is really like.
He was leaving dirty plates in his bed, covered with his sheets. When he was going to sleep, he just kicked the plates and didn’t bother to clean them.
You were living with Pig-Pen from Peanuts.
She was disgusting and a total slob and wouldn’t let me clean her side of the room. It was always super cluttered with shit everywhere. Our room had a gross smell all the time because of her, so I finally broke down and decided to let her be mad at me, and cleaned everything. I found cups, like 5 or 6, of partially drank spoiled, rotten, curdled chocolate milk…plates of partially eaten moldy food…it was horrible. She got so pissed off that I cleaned it that she ended up moving in with another girl. I wasn’t upset about it…
She’d also have loud crazy sex at any and all hours of the night, wouldn’t lock our door and I ended up getting some items stolen…it was a mess.
I thought all women were supposed to be clean?
Left for class but it got canceled and when I came back in the room my room mate was in my video game chair watching lifetime with 1/4 of night time cold medicine next to him and my camp blanket up around his neck… Conversation followed:
Me: you naked under my blanket…?
Him: yeah man…
Me: beatin off to lifetime high on cold meds?
Him: yeah man…
Me: I’ll be back in 10 minutes don’t be here..
Him: yeah man..
Beating it to Lifetime is a new low.
She got kicked out for failing, and the night before she left she got super drunk, threw up everywhere and left me to clean it up.
She was just teaching you about responsibility.
He brought a keyboard. He only know the first fifty seconds or so of the Star Wars Cantina Song, but practiced those fifty seconds as loudly as possible for hours at a time.
First red flag was the damn keyboard.
The very first weekend of my Freshman year in college, my roommate comes back from a party at like 2 AM or whatever, and proceeds to vomit on my fucking desk, which did contain my laptop computer on it…
Jay, I know you use Reddit. If you’re reading this, fuck you.
Hey Jay, dude just wants an apology.
My roommate had no sleep schedule. He also chewed loudly, played the bass, and watched anime without headphones. At the same time. At 3 am.
Was okay with everything until the anime.
He had a gf that didn’t attend our university that would stay the entire weekend. They stayed in bed, lights out, ordered delivery, wouldn’t leave. At one point I woke up and there was a baby in our room (they were babysitting). A fucking baby.
At least it wasn’t YOUR baby.
One of my freshman roommates was a self-professed kleptomaniac. She got a huge thrill from stealing clothes from department stores. Usually Nordstrom. In the first week or so of school, she went through her closest and showed us all of the clothing she had stolen, plus she knew how much each item cost and how she’d swiped it. Thousands of dollars worth of nice clothing. She had so much that half of it still had tags on and she never wore it, but she took it because she knew she could. Usually this theft involved carrying a really big purse, taking way too many items into a dressing room, and then emerging with one item in the purse, one to buy, and the rest to put back. Then if an alarm went off, they would assume it was just the item she had purchased and let her leave. Half the time she returned the item she paid for soon after too. It got to the point where girls in the dorm would go to the mall with her, and they’d all pick out clothes they liked and she’d go back on her own later and steal them for them. It was crazy. And to my knowledge, she’s still doing this and hasn’t been caught. She never seemed to steal from anywhere other than department stores, and none of my stuff ever went missing, so I guess she wasn’t too bad of a roommate, really. Just a person of questionable morals.
You are an accessory to robbery for not reporting her.
He wasn’t too bad on the whole, except for the habit of alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze…….
People who do this are the worst. Just set your alarm for the time you know you’ll wake up.
I was the horrible freshman roommate because of one event.
I was super tired all the time so I would often sit on the floor in the shower and just let the water wash my sorrows away. Well, I accidentally fell asleep, and I happened to fall asleep with my butt right on top of the drain. It plugged the drain and caused the entire bathroom, dorm room, and the floor below us to flood.
You were the human butt plug.
Had a roommate come back to our dorm room from one of the many rush week frat parties he attended, wasted out of his mind. He stripped down to his stained white briefs and passed out on his bed.
In the middle of the night, I woke up to find him standing, totally nude, inches from my bed, his ass literally right in my face. He proceeded to fart in my face and then start pissing in the trash can next to my bed.
After he was done pissing in the trash can, and all over the floor, he promptly went back to his bed and passed out on his bed, face up, with no covers.
I got up, got a bottle of Febreeze, and sprayed the hell out of my trash can and the rug. I then realized why he pissed in my trash can. It’s because he had puked in his. So, I sprayed his trash can too.
Then, for good measure and because I was pissed, I spent about 30 seconds spraying his naked dick and balls with Febreeze while he snored and drooled.
Yeah…I hated that douchebag.
That guy actually sounds like a good time.
My roommate sold his TV and VCR in the first two weeks to buy drugs without telling me. He stopped going to class about the same time and also got a girlfriend, so they were in the room having sex all the time. He decided two months into the semester to sell weed. He ended up smoking it all. He and every one of his friends that he hung out with failed out after the first semester. There’s so much more.
That’s his TV and VCR. You can’t tell him how to live, asshole.
I lived with three girls. Two of the girls let their boyfriends live in the apartment with them so I was actually living with 5 people in 1100 sq ft. Anyway, two months into the semester they start filming porn. Literally heard them having sex everyday to the point where I could never invite people over because all you’d hear are those overly dramatic orgasm sounds that only porn stars make. Every. single. day.
I want to live there.
The first night I met my freshman roommate she introduced herself and said, completely seriously “have you seen that movie where one of the roommates kills himself and the other gets a free ride? Do you think that would really happen?”
That’s one hell of an icebreaker.
I shared a room with one guy. He would have sex while I was in the room trying to sleep. He drank my booze, ate my food and used my stuff.
One night I was “sleeping”, while he was banging away. When they finished, they started making fun of me, I got up, walked across the room and crawled into bed with them. They were mortified.
Doesn’t matter. Had sex.
My roommate was 7’1 340 pounds. He was a fucking ogre. The kid didn’t understand personal hygiene and would shower maybe every 2-3 days. My room would smell like dirty diapers. It got so bad to the point where I couldn’t have company over anymore. One day at basketball practice he was being roasted for always smelling like shit and to wear deodorant. To which he replied stunned, “All of you guys wear deodorant?” Yeah fuck you Max
I bet Max was a fucking force in the paint, though.
My friend’s roommate in the dorm put up a curtain. He barely ever came out. It was a bit creepy. When my friend left at the end of the year he said the curtain was still up and it looked like he hadn’t begun packing. I think he’s still there. This was 14 years ago.
Your friend had a vampire for a roommate.
Sexiled me constantly. One time I changed into my shower clothes (basketball shorts, robe) grabbed my towel and caddy, and left the room for about fifteen minutes. When I came back, the chain lock was up, and I was stuck outside in the hall with wet hair and little to no clothing.
That’s when you head over to the ladies dorms. Guy was just being a great wing.
Exchange student who had a terrible custom of not washing his socks. The odour was so foul, and for a long time I avoided my room and didnt know where the smell was coming from. One day I got daring and went through his stuff, found the source of the stink. Made him wash them but moved out shortly after.Dude was a nightmare.
Always happens with the foreigners.
Found his tumblr. He was talking about how every time he sees me he wants to shoot me in the face and my best friend was anti-matter or some bs.
I didn’t report him or anything because I knew he was just venting and was too much of a wuss to actually shoot me.
I like to live dangerously.
It’s a good thing your roommate wasn’t this guy.
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