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East Central Akron State fraternity Alpha Delta Beta has come under fire once again for what some are calling a party theme that “promotes dangerous activity and violates not only the wholesomeness of the great city of Akron, but the sanctity of Ohio itself.” The party, “Snort Some White and Start a Fight,” saw members of Alpha Delta and their dates ingest large quantities of cocaine and then find a non-Greek affiliated student to, “Just really fuck their shit up. Like, the type of shit where they have to drop out,” as one active Alpha Delta member described it.
“I had a lot of fun during the blow part, but TBH, I thought the fighting was kind of lame. Overall, I’d give the party a solid B-, cause my date was still really cute” one sorority member who attended the event but wishes to remain anonymous said. The fraternity has fired back against these attacks on their “good name,” citing their “constitutional right to bro down and have a good time.”
The fraternity’s president, John Fletcher, who not only has openly claimed to have conceived the idea for the party but was also arrested during the party when he attempted to assault an off-duty police officer whom he mistook for an independent student, was quoted as saying during his arrest, “Is this not America!? Since when is it illegal to ingest one, maybe two grams of some Colombian marching powder and commit a series of aggravated assaults?” Fletcher’s lawyers have since denied allegations that their client said any of this or came up with the theme.
These allegations come in the wake of a student newspaper article that graphically describes Alpha Delta Beta’s alleged pledge event “Do Some Blow Then Fuck a Literal Hoe,” wherein pledges were allegedly forced to ingest cocaine and then have sex with a prostitute in front of dozens of actives as part of an initiation ritual. Regarding this, Fletcher stated, “Look, I am not saying any of this did or did not happen. But if it did happen, 1) That’s pretty fucking sick, right?, and 2) A pledge could be doing a lot worse things on a Wednesday night than a line and a five-dollar hooker.”
Both of these events come after video of an Alpha Delta brotherhood event was leaked. The video shows active members burning multiple effigies on the fraternity’s front lawn while seemingly high on drugs. In response to questions about this event, President Fletcher merely shrugged and stated, “As long as I am president, “Cocaine & Propane Night” isn’t going anywhere.” When Fletcher was pressed for additional comment, his lawyers stated that he would be pleading the fifth.
When members of Alpha Delta were asked why they voted for a man with a clear love for illegal narcotics and violent activity, multiple members replied with the same, seemingly scripted response: “Well, Kyle fucking sucked, and it seemed like Derrick was too focused on school like a pussy, so John was our best bet. I stand by my choice.”
District Attorney Allen Fletcher has been pressed multiple times on why no members of the fraternity have faced criminal charges, but continually retorts, “These were all cases of boys being boys, and people really need to calm down.” On the same subject, East Central Akron State Dean of Students Nathanial Fletcher responded that “Alpha Delta Beta is definitely on thin ice. If they have another four or five instances like this in the course of this semester, they will definitely find themselves on probation. I mean that.”
Mere hours after the dean released his statement, a leaked group chat conversation showed President Fletcher inviting a sorority to Alpha Delta’s next party, “Cocaine ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.”.
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