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The University of Huntington Beach has expelled its Kappa Upsilon Sigma chapter from the IFC following a “Campus Shooter” themed party that took place over this past weekend. According to reports, the fraternity members dressed up as their favorite sociopathic mass murderers who fulfilled the prerequisite of terrorizing a college campus. Females were told to dress up barely clothed ER nurses or slutty victims.
The university came out with the following statement: “This was the last offense we were willing to tolerate. After last month’s ‘Slutty Nuns and Man Buns’ themed party, we told Kappa Upsilon Sigma that there would be a zero tolerance policy for any future transgressions. We do not accept the fraternity’s excuse that they thought a ‘zero tolerance policy’ meant that they could use themes for their parties that had zero tolerance for any basic human decency.”
Kappa Upsilon Sigma national headquarters also revoked the chapter’s charter. Sources tell us that their nationals were willing to overlook the fact that the chapter offended thousands of mourning people across the country. However, they could not forgive the chapter’s members for proving that they clearly did not listen during risk management seminars. They also noted that the fraternity was already on thin ice for deciding to throw a party that had a “man bun” theme.
When asked for comment, the Kappa Upsilon Sigma chapter denied any wrongdoing. “Honestly, dude, people need to learn how to take a joke,” stated fraternity president Thad Thompson. “What’s wrong with poking some fun at the deaths of multiple innocent people? They’re already dead, so it’s not like they can get offended. And it made for a great time! Like, I dressed up as Elliot Rodger, and one of my bros wore a shirt that pointed at me and said ‘I’m with autistic.’ Not only is that promoting autism awareness, but it’s also hilarious and got me laid, so I don’t see what the big deal is.”
Sources were unable to verify whether Thad actually got laid or not. Thad has a reputation for being a liar, as he ran for fraternity president on the platform that he gained valuable leadership expertise while interning for the Trump campaign during the summer. However, he never actually interned for the Trump campaign, although he claims that taking drunk Instagram photos with “Make America Great Again” hats on his dad’s yacht qualified as an internship.
Friends of Thad argue that girls who would go to a “campus shooter” themed party dressed as “slutty victims” wouldn’t be morally respectable enough to deny sex to any guy who was willing to pretend to care about anything they said for more than a few minutes. Some within the fraternity, speaking on condition of anonymity, doubt that Thad got laid because he is infamous for getting whiskey dick and was extremely drunk that night.
Thad further noted that, while upset about being kicked off campus, the fraternity was excited about the prospect of having an open drug policy without fearing repercussions from the school..